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Covid Crazy

Mark J Attard
Jul 11 · 7 min read
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It is not unusual in times of crisis for humans to display their failings and foibles. Not everyone keeps a calm head under pressure. However, the current Covid19 Pandemic has produced a large number of Covid Bloopers. People in lockdown have proved to be lockclowns. Here is my list of 10 favourite Covid Bloopers

  1. Injecting disinfectant will kill the virus.

Who could ever forget this press conference.

No list of Covid embarrassing moments would be complete without one or ten entries from President Trump. In late April, Trump was heavily criticised for suggesting that the corona virus might be treated by injecting disinfectant into the body.

Trump expounded a range of potential remedies including hitting the body with a very powerful light. The White House corona virus adviser Dr Deborah Birx sat in stunned silence as she listened to the nation’s leader. Everytime Trump looked in her direction for support, the blood drained from her face as she wished for the floor to open up and someone to teleport her somewhere far away.

Medical authorities around the world immediately issued public health and safety warnings about the risks of injecting or ingesting disinfectant. The public needed to be reminded that disinfectant is a dangerous substance and is poisonous if it enters the body. Yes disinfectant may kill the coronavirus but it will also kill you in the process.

I guess this is what happens when a reality TV celebrity is confronted with actual reality. There is no TV producer sitting in a dark room carefully editing the narrative and shaping the image. Fake news is okay on reality TV because reality TV is fake TV. Participants and viewers are manipulated, conned and cheated.

But actual reality exposes the truth and separates the leader from the clown.

Any volunteers for the first human trial for injected disinfectant?

2. Wearing a mask is a breach of human rights.

We probably all saw (the predominantly) Americans railing against Covid protective measures such as wearing a face mask. One woman cried that wearing a mask denied her the right to breathe.

Let’s look at that statement.

A mask is not a gag. A mask allows you to breathe. It may be uncomfortable wearing a mask but you can still breathe.

If you are concerned about breathing, think about how Coronavirus works. If you don’t wear a mask you run the risk of catching Covid19. The virus causes respiratory illness. Yes, respiratory illness. In other words, Covid19 attacks your lungs and lung function. Those with severe cases of infection cannot breathe and require mechanical assistance.

So, if you are concerned about “your right to breathe” wear a mask.

The same woman said she did not wear underwear because she wanted her nether regions to breathe. All I can say to her is if Covid gets her, she can kiss your nether regions goodbye.

3. 5G is spreading the virus

Now I’m not sure how this “wisdom” took a foothold in our collective imaginations but it did receive significant airtime. It may be because China was opening its first 5G networks late last year, at the same time the virus was first identified. The theory goes – they must be related because coincidence is causation!

A little fact check for our conspiracy theorists. Mobile telephone networks use signals measured in gigahertz. (GHz). The 5G networks operating in China use a signal measuring below 6 GHz. Yes the frequency is higher than the signal used by 4G networks but it is still a sub-6 GHz signal. In the Western World we have been using sub-6 GHz signals for our 4G networks and our domestic WiFi and our remote controls etc for quite some time.

If a sub-6GHz signal causes some change in our body chemistry that promotes infection by coronavirus, it would have happened some time ago.

It was confusing to see the 5G protesters on their mobile phones during their street demonstrations.

4. We have a vaccine!

Every month the media tells us that some laboratory, somewhere, has produced a vaccine for coronavirus. Then our hopes are dashed when we learn we have been listening to fake news.

A vaccine is realistically two years away, if not later.

Science is wonderful. It has given us many gadgets and technology and medicines. However, science does not always have the answers.

It took years to find a vaccine for smallpox and polio. In 2003, it took scientists 20 months to begin testing a vaccine for SARS. Notwithstanding all the money Bill and Melinda Gates are throwing into research and the large numbers of scientists engaged in the search there will still be a delay.

We need to wait until 2022 for a vaccine. Sorry.

5. We need lots of toilet paper in lockdown

Coronavirus is a respiratory disease. It results in fever, coughing and difficulty breathing. I have read the symptom lists and nowhere does it say that coronavirus causes diahorrea or excessive evacuation of the bowels. The respiratory system is quite separate from the digestive system.

People were shocked to see supermarket shelves empty. We live in age of abundance and shortages and rationing and restrictions are a thing of history. In truth, they should remain a thing of history because Australia has enough toilet paper for everyone, if people did not buy it in large quantities.

Australia is the land of plenty. We have enough food and supplies to cater for the needs of a population twice our size. 85% of the food we consume is locally produced. A large percentage of what we produce is exported. We have a logistical infrastructure, meaning warehouses, trucks, rail and roadways to service a population of 70 million (our current population is 25.5 million).

So there is no reason to panic buy.

But who said we would act rationally.

6. During lockdown, you can have a birthday party of 20 people but only if you are serving KFC.

Need I say more?

No wonder Victoria is the laughing stock of the country. We have gone from the most liveable city in the world to the coronavirus capital of the country because of the thoughtlessness of our citizenry.

7. We overestimated the cost of JobKeeker by $60 billion!

$1 billion is a lot of dollars. In numerical terms it is $1,000,000,000.

The NBN network, arguably the most expensive infrastructure project undertaken by the Australian government, cost $51 billion.

It is highly unlikely you will ever be walking along and look down and find that someone has dropped $1 billion on the footpath.

So how did the Australian Government get its estimates wrong by $60 billion?

The Australian Government budget for 2019–2020 provided $38.7 billion expenditure on defence and $36.4 billion on education. Let’s face it, we are a small country punching above our weight, and we do not have a lot of cash to splash around. Is it possible that the government could forget to budget for education and defence – $75 billion and nobody notice?

Who is running the country? Or was the oversight deliberate?

8. We will not let the Ruby Princess happen again.

Victoria is feeling pretty low and dejected at the moment and deservedly. So please allow me a joke at the expense of our northern neighbours, NSW.

After the Ruby Princess debacle in March this year, when NSW Health and Customs permitted a boat load of infected passengers to disembark and mingle among the Sydney population, the NSW government vowed to be more careful with its borders. “This will not happen again!”

Until……..last week, when a planeload of (dirty) Victorian passengers disembarked from their flight at Sydney airport and simply walked out of the terminal.

It makes you wonder why Victoria is having trouble controlling the virus and not NSW.

I’m just jealous.

9. I look like the Lone Ranger

Another Trump blooper.

President Trump is coming under increasing criticism for not advocating the wearing of face masks and not wearing a face mask himself.

At a recent press conference, when questioned about the government’s face mask policy, Trump conceded that there was no harm in wearing a face mask. He even disclosed that he occasionally wore a face mask and chuffed “I look like the Lone Ranger”

Below is a picture of Lone Ranger

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How is Trump wearing his face mask?

It is intended to cover the nose and mouth not the nose and eyes.

10. Security guards have sex with persons in quarantine.

This is my favourite.

This is obviously the government’s fault.

Everyone knows that whenever you hire a private security firm, you need to complete the engagement form correctly. This means that when the form asks you whether security guards are permitted to have sex with the persons they are keeping in quarantine, you need to answer in the negative. If you ignore or overlook the question, there will be consequences.

The government didn’t read the form. It didn’t answer the questions correctly. This sent a clear message to the security guards that they were permitted to have sex with the people they were keeping in quarantine.

How else could this have happened? You can’t expect a security guard retained to keep people in quarantine, to actually keep people in quarantine?

Thoughtlessness reigns supreme and the virus flourishes.

If it was not so serious, there would be a laugh in this blog.

Mark J Attard

Written by

Lawyer with varied interests including politics, technology, religion, business management, literature, coaching, social justice, sport, education and humour.

Mark J Attard

Written by

Lawyer with varied interests including politics, technology, religion, business management, literature, coaching, social justice, sport, education and humour.

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