Age Does Not Always Tell Maturity Level

I have always been attracted to older women, but now at age 40, age isn’t so important.

When I was about 13 or 14 — working at my parent’s restaurant as a cashier and taking to-go orders — I had a conversation with a customer who was waiting for her takeout. She was White, probably in her early twenties, and was attending Miramar College nearby. I don’t remember what her major was, but we were discussing a few things about Chinese history that she was studying. Thinking back, I was probably having one of the few intellectual conversations that few curious pre-teens like myself had.

Perhaps that was what sparked my interest in older women: higher age = maturity and intelligence.

In the past ten years, however, I do not find it always so. I have met and dated women who were in their forties and fifties who still acted like they were in high school. When walking at an open-air mall or at a beach, they’d say something like, “Oh, look at her. She’s too (skinny, fat, dark, light, etc.) to wear that,” or “He should put a shirt on. He’s too hairy.” Shit like this makes me cringe on the inside and look at my phone every ten minutes to see when I can go home and be alone with a book to read.

Still, I have met many and have had intimate relationships with older women those who are mature in mind, have brain-stimulating conversations that make my neurons do wushu, have manners and consideration for others, and really knows how to have open discussions with no fear nor insecurity. And I thought these traits pertain primarily to middle-age women and older.

Well…not really. I have met younger people whose maturity, compassion, and intelligence rival those of their middle-age and older counterparts. But my age bias blinded me to see them as equals oftentimes. Since I turned 40, I have thought, “Should my age bias change when considering a partner? Would it change regardless whether I’m aware of the bias or not?”

For now, it seems that my age bias would change gradually over time like my attitude toward race, sexual orientation, religion, disabilities, weight, and other factors in relationships. It’s funny that among all these factors, age would be the last to change. I don’t know why, and I don’t really care. All I know is that maturity and intelligence varies among individuals. So I tell myself, judge their character and morality, not their age. It’s no different than the color of their skin, country of origin, etc.

So this could be an interesting time in the next decade in terms of relationships. And I don’t just mean intimate ones; I think this affects both professional and social relationships. Who knows what I’d think on my 50th birthday.

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