A random guy’s thought to a random girl

Its 12:30a.m and here I am with almost 50grams of yeasted coffee flowing through my veins. I could feel a mild pain in my chest as I stare at nothing in the darkness surrounding me.

I think my heart has stopped pumping blood. Instead, it’s pumping the torment of your absence — dissolved in caffeine — all through my veins and arteries and I think this accounts for the mild pain in my chest.

After loads of coffee, I reached out for another can of beer. Tearing it open and taking it in sip after sip, staring at your image in my head and the moments we shared together.

Stupid me! I drink a lot these days. I drink Whatever comes — Brandy, coffee, malt, beer, whatever — and I drink a Shit Load of 'em. I drink them with the hope of drowning the stupid feelings attached to my lonely life.

I drink them to drown my sorrows, my stupid ego, my pains and my fear of the future.

(long giggling) But those stupid bitches. With each sip, they disguise like they’re fucking drowned and after a minute they swim to the surface tormenting me with their devilish smile.

Now I finished my last sip of beer and as I take my anger out on the can — crushing it with my bare hands — my heart wanders back to you. My stupid heart wanders back to you ALL THE TIME, even when all I wanna do is forget you exist.

There is no day my heart don’t wanna reach out to you but my ego has always made me resisted — the stupid ego that wouldn’t fucking drown in my large ocean of spirits and Caffeine.

My heart wanders to you eachtime and your thoughts strike my heart with a string of words. The same way a flash of lightning strikes the earth and wanna split it into two, Your thoughts strike my heart and Pierce it into two revealing just three words — I MISS YOU!

And it’s happening again. This time, I didnt say it out loud but those words came out of my pierced heart like coins falling on a steel floor, making continuous sound and gradually fading off until the coins come to rest.

Now I am in the midst of the silence again and I won't forget the moment each word came like the sound of a falling coin on a steel floor. The sound wouldn't stop echoing in my head and I know I have reached a point where I can't take it any longer.

I know I have reached a point where I have to drown my ego and reach you. And here I am trying to fucking drown my ego, writing you this piece to say I MISS YOU.

Believe this or not, it's the truth. I really miss you and I am not happy I am doing this.

But in the end, I am happy I just drowned my ego by sending you this.

All the way from a heart that has been pierced in two by your thoughts and your absence.

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