WHAT’S NEXT?

I need to get moving, start doing, create something.

Life is just dull, nothing is happening, I have a good job, a home, a girlfriend but I can do so much more.

I spend so much time thinking and thinking, looking at what everyone else is doing. Knowing that I have the ability to do it as well. I don’t know why its so hard to get moving, get starting on one of the many projects I have in my mind and on paper.

I know what I need to do, I have read about how to get started, how to hustle but when it comes down to doing it the day just fly’s by or I get to tired. Sometimes it gets worse and I feel so useless I convince myself that its not worth it and I will never make it.

If I am honest with myself, I have never done a full days work, never put maximum effort in, never taken the time to make something for myself. I have had my own business, I have tried to get out of the rut and make money but it has always been to hard or some other bullshit excuse, always someone else’s fault.

I am writing this while I sit in a office with no window, with people that don’t like each other, that bitch about me and about everyone else. It’s a sad slow death, I can feel it, its consuming me. I look around and just see sadness and middle age, everyone just doing enough so they don’t get in trouble. Its devoid of passion, love and happiness. There are little happy times, like when the boss goes out or when its almost time to go home but they are few and far between.

I make life better by getting drinking, eating out and buying clothes that I don’t need. It makes things easier in the short term, I am full of tiny little bullshit shit that makes life a bit better but I know deep down that I am only kidding myself. I have to get moving, I have to push myself, I have to become who I should be. I see all the people on the tube or walking to work like zombies, cattle being herded around until they die. I am one of them.

I have no excuse, I am not broke, I have a loving girlfriend that will support me in anything I do, I have a home, a great family but can I get going??? Can I f**k!!!

So what’s wrong with me?

Maybe I am scared, scared of being happy. Maybe I am lazy, maybe I just can’t be bothered. I am not sure if any of that is completely true, I mean its a little bit true. I think I might just be like everyone else in the world, normal. Having a job, paying the rent and doing normal weekend stuff is what everyone else is doing, its easy to just do that. No one questions that, no one pushes you to do more, if they did they would have to look at their own life and what they are doing.

But now its time to change all this, now its time to stop the rot, get out of the rut.

I can’t continue, I can’t keep on beating myself down, I have to start moving, take stock of what I am doing, move forward even if its in a small tiny way. I know that the more effort I put in, the more I try the better I will become. I know there is no quick fix, no easy way to get rich and be able to quit work. I can grind it out, keep on moving forward, even if its slow, hard and boring.

Baby steps, writing this is the first small step, I know there is a problem, I am identifying the problem so what’s next???

What’s next?

This is going to be the greatest question I could ever ask myself, Every time I think I am stuck or I feel lost, I am going to ask what’s next. If I ask myself that I know that I will be able to move forward even if its just a tiny tiny bit. I hope it will work, I hope that this job will not be all I can achieve. I know I have the ability and the skills to progress, I believe in what’s next.