Being kind to yourself > being nice to yourself

“It’s ok. I’m ok. I can do this.”

“JUST FUCKING HANDLE THIS SHIT!”

These are some different ways in which I talk to myself.

I need the first one because I need to be gentle with myself.

I need the second one because I need to stop feeling sorry for myself, or procrastinating, or wishing things were different.

What do they have in common?

They’re both me being kind to myself.

Maybe you think the first one is “nicer.” That the second one isn’t very “nice.”

Fuck nice.

Do you know that the word “nice” has roots in the following words:

· Foolish

· Stupid

· Senseless

· Careless

· Clumsy

· Weak

· Poor

· Needy

· Ignorant

· Unaware

That’s why I’m not interested in being “nice” to myself.

The word “kind” has roots in the following words and phrases:

· Deliberately doing good to others

· Innate

· Natural

· Compassionate

· Loving

· Full of tenderness

That’s why I’m only interested in being kind to myself.

Which list sounds better to you?

Which list do you want to practice on yourself?

I was speaking to a friend a while ago about a guy she was seeing, and how it wasn’t going as well as she wanted it to, and that he didn’t seem as keen as her, and that she really liked him, and that she didn’t know how much longer she could do this, and that she had no idea what to do.

Maybe it would’ve been “nice” of me to indulge her. To agree with her that she had no idea what to do. To feel sorry for her.

But what good does that do?

I decided to be kind to her. So this is what I said:

“You know exactly what to do. You just don’t want to do it.”

She smiled. She looked at me. “Yeah, probably…”

I smiled. “So, when are you going to do it?”

She looked uncomfortable. “I don’t know yet,” she said.

“Ok,” I said. “Well, you can either let go or hold on. But you can’t do both. If you choose not to let go, then you’re choosing to hold on.”

That was me being kind to her.

So.

Do you call yourself on your own bullshit? Or do you pretend it isn’t happening?

Are you direct with yourself? Or do you lack the courage to be direct with yourself?

Are you honest with yourself? Or will you make excuses to not be honest with yourself?

Being nice to yourself is weak.

Being kind to yourself takes strength.