Space Jam: A New Legacy is HBO Max, Warner Brothers propaganda

There’s something remarkably ridiculous about Space Jam: A New Legacy.

You’d think that I, someone who grew up adoring the original film, would jump at the chance to watch an updated version with the greatest basketball player of all time (yeah, I said it).

But the new Space Jam movie lost from the first moment that LeBron James began accosting his son. With a green screen setup that rivals the shoddy quality of another Warner Brothers summer release, In the Heights (2021), the movie instantly comes off as awkward and poorly conceived.

The original Space Jam opens with Michael Jordan dealing with his early retirement from the game of basketball to focus on his true dream: playing professional baseball. There’s shortcomings, and the movie takes shots at teasing Jordan during his time swinging and missing, but there’s no room for teasing James.

James comes off flat in every moment of dialogue. It’s strange to see him stumble through easily written dialogue when he’s delightful in his handful of scenes in Trainwreck (2015) and his endless TikTok videos when he celebrates Taco Tuesday with his co-star and teammate, Anthony Davis.

The redeeming quality of the original Space Jam wasn’t the Looney Tunes, but the NBA players taken over by the Monstars, Wayne Knight and Bill Murray.

There isn’t a single moment that focuses outside of James and his family’s purview.

The basketball players that play on Al-G Rhythm’s (Jesus Christ, guys) team must’ve only needed to be on set for two days. You can’t give Damian Lillard or Klay Thompson one line similar to what Charles Barkley stumbled through?

Is this movie supposed to be a serious meditation on the dangers of unrealistic expectations parents have for their children? Is it a commentary on allowing people to blossom in the things that interest them, rather than force them into a tiny box?

If so, you don’t get to have Porky Pig rapping for two or three minutes.

There’s nothing playfully nostalgic, nor is there a memorable play on the basketball court. Even people who haven’t seen the original Space Jam can recognize Jordan reaching for the dunk, arm extending like Reed Richards in the Fantastic Four, slamming it Blake Griffin style to win the game.

The movie’s goal, as I can tell, is only focused on reminding people of how much content Warner Brothers and HBO Max has.

No child is watching Space Jam: A New Legacy, leans over to their friend or parent and says, “Oh my God, that’s Pennywise from It!”

How do you justify to your new corporate overlords that you are worthy? Show them your work. Stuffed into this box is so much unnecessary trash that every sales and marketing person at Warner Brother and HBO Max must be having repetitive wet dreams.

It’s almost like this movie was cooked up in a marketing room with guy’s who’s parents got them into an Ivy League school, go to routine happy hours at 3:30 p.m., and have names like Craig and Sanders.

Thank you for the reminder that after watching Space Jam: A New Legacy, we can stay on HBO Max to watch Godzilla, King Kong, the Iron Giant, and more.

This movie is a waste of time, a disrespectful follow-up to a movie that has flaws but remains campy until its conclusion.

A follow-up to Space Jam starring LeBron James has been discussed since he was in Cleveland (the first time around). This is not something LeBron should include in his own documentary series recounting his incredible legacy some day.

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