Running makes me a better person…

…I don’t mean than you, I mean than myself in default sedentary mode.

Like thousands of others I spend big chunks of the day sat at a desk. We all know that’s not good for you and we also know that doing some exercise is a good way to counteract it. But that’s not really what I want to talk about either.

What I mean is, it makes me a better person to be around. It improves my personality.

By nature I’m a grumpy bastard, there’s a thick veneer of politeness over the top of the grump, but after you get to know me and I’m less guarded this can leak out.

The person who gets the brunt of this grump is of course my girlfriend. This doesn’t mean I get the belt out and go angry 1950’s husband on her ass, but I’m not exactly a barrel of laughs sometimes.

I tried self help books, taking some time out (ie on my PS4), going for a walk, having a beer, talking to family or friends. But ultimately these things seemed to only help in hindsight after the grump bomb has dropped and I’m like ‘she didn’t mean that Faith no More are crap, they’re just not her cup of tea. Go and say sorry for slagging off Paul Simon’.

I needed a pro-active solution, but I took the British way out and decided to pretend it wasn’t a problem.

Solution in disguise

I’m lucky enough to work in the middle of a nature reserve (‘preserve’ if you’re in the States), but I felt less lucky to work in an office full of fitness freaks.

Once it was out that I very occasionally went for a jog at home, they positively forced me with encouragement to run with them. Such was their cruelty they even offered to ‘slow down’ and ‘take it easy’. I had one week to prepare.

Dusting off my trainers I spent three days of that week frantically running after work in preparation. My cardio was a joke, my legs pale emaciated noodles. I felt destined for humiliation.

When lunchtime arrived on the Friday I felt like a shackled slave going out to meet the lions.

Meeting the super humans outside, they set off a worryingly quick pace; without even warming up! It seemed inevitable that I would fall behind and stop. Here comes another failure, I thought, one to weigh down what’s left of my self esteem, but it didn’t happen. It was actually quite nice running with other people and while I was wheezing at the end like punctured bagpipe it turned out everyone else was too.

Two days later the hurt set in and I felt pretty well crippled. No one else seemed to be feeling this pain, so maybe I just wasn’t cut out for this shit.

Against all instincts I went for a run that evening, not because I wanted to but because my girlfriend had sensed a change, she saw the potential of this new habit. ‘Don’t give in’ she cried, ‘you have to run for my sake’ (she didn’t, but I’m pretty sure it was words to that effect).

With my joints almost audibly creaking I hit the road. Waiting for an unprecedented level of pain take over. As it turned out, my body had started to rebuild itself and that was the cause of the pain. I was a new man, a better man, some kind of superman.

As I sped past the hedges they seemed greener than usual, the breeze was sweet with the smell of cow shit, my legs felt like they’d rediscovered their evolutionary calling, I could visualise my ancestors charging across the savanna in bare feet.

The important change

Endorphins aside I should get on with explaining what exactly changed in my state of mind. I’m struggling to put my finger on it because it’s quite subtle, but it’s like the grumpiness is a hyperactive pet that’s climbing the walls and looking for things to bite, running takes him out for a walk.

Perhaps the grump is a legacy of a version of me that would have solved confrontational problems by hitting people with sticks and this is the way I pacify that part

Now, situations where it would have bared its teeth and growled are replaced by it wandering off to scratch its bits. This allows me to respond to the situation in a more dispassionate way, which it turns out is almost always a good thing.

Talking to other blokes, it seems exercise in some form is similarly vital to their mental wellbeing. Perhaps the grump is a legacy of a version of me that would have solved confrontational problems by hitting people with sticks and this is the way I pacify that part. Now I can see things with clarity and the grump is asleep on the carpet I can say with certainty taking up running was a good choice.