Hey Anna, thank you for writing this piece. A lot of what you’re saying reminds me of the writings of Jaclyn Friedman. Relating to your point #2, she describes the “commodity model” of sex, in which women have it and men try to get it. Under this model, rape is seen as an act of theft, a loss of one’s fungible property not innate sense of self-worth. It leads to seeing sex as something done to women, something in which both parties cannot benefit, something that’s special the first time, and many other problems.
Her suggestion is that instead we think of sex akin to dancing: you can’t force someone to dance with you if they don’t want to. It just doesn’t work. The notion of rape becomes literally inconceivable, as senseless for the would-be perpetrator as it is for the victim.
I like this idea a lot more than the patronizing “just teach boys not to rape” mantra (compare: telling people suffering with depression to “just cheer up”). It provides a specific, actionable, non-obvious path forward. It doesn’t assume that all men are potential threats. It gets away from the pseudo-feminism that doesn’t trust men or women to act reasonably around each other. Instead of saying “get educated” it actually educates. (But, it’s succinct enough to actually be transmissible; contrast these thousands of pages.)
Finally, I want to encourage you to keep poking at and questioning feminist media, especially those that seem like dogma or cheerleading. These are really complicated issues and naught percent of them can fit in a tweet. (Shameless but relevant self-promotion.)