Stop Wasting My Time With These Bullshit Articles

For the common American man-child (and woman-child), frustrated with shifting demographics and minority populations asking for equal rights in a world where they’ve been raised to protest the sharp blade of affirmative action that kept their idiot perspectives out of state schools, there’s few better ways to get off (sexually) than a well-placed pass knitted between the fine line that separates a crafty defender and the racist, hero forward jogging past him on route to a goal.

I don’t mean any of this, I promise. Some people, however, do. Some people (And I don’t mean “some people” like racists mean it. I literally just mean a selection of people) would like to reduce that region where sports, demographics, culture and politics collide into the sort of hot take built for social media. Avoid the facts, put forward a general idea that may or may not be true (as long as it’s provocative), and get those hate clicks when your article finds its way into the niche you’re shitting on for the day.

I’m being rude. Really rude. And I don’t really mean this. I’m exaggerating. But I’m exaggerating for a reason, so let me just get this out of the way early: internet-ready hot takes can highlight important topics, but more often than not, they leave well-reasoned arguments in the dustbin in favor of the sort of conclusions optimized for social packaging. And here’s the important thing: you don’t get credit for suggesting a meaningful conclusion when you’re dealing with a significant and important topic. Those are synonyms for the same thing, but I thought I would just underline that to show how serious I am. When you’re dealing with a real topic, the sort where some people (I mean this in a racist way) jump into an immediate and intensely defensive position, you have to get it right. YOU HAVE TO GET IT RIGHT.

This isn’t an industry where partial credit counts. We’re not self-grading here. You either knock it out of the park or you fucked up the one time a year we’re allowed to talk about real topics. If I’m being honest here, it’s probably worse than this. Realistically, when you fuck it up, your mentions will get filled “YOU ARE SO WRONG LOLSSSS” and if you’re a woman, death threats, probs. If you do get it right, your mentions will get filled “YOU ARE SO WRONG LOLSSSS” and if you’re a woman, death threats, probs. But at least when you get it right, you have maybe an extra 5% chance of having someone understand your perspective and maybe take a footstep towards a less aggressive position. That might not seem like much, but when you’re working in the margins, that’s progress!

And so let’s get to the topic of our conversation today. This article: The Dark Side of American Soccer. I’m not gonna lie: I saw that article and I fucking did a Cuauhtemoc pose because I was ready for that one article a year where someone points out the pale nature of American soccer and the ways in which this problem is perpetuated by the media, the federation and the league. LOOK AT THE HEADLINE.

Y’all. I was so disappointed. Like, the most disappointed I’ve been since I found out that Interpol made more than 2 albums. Like, what. Here’s a New York Times article (which is like, not a blog or a site that uses listicles), and instead of offering a well-reasoned piece (the kind with facts and defensible positions and stuff), it went to a soccer game, said “look at all these white dudes,” and ran with the idea that all white dudes must be racist because some Europeans are racist and these white dudes copy some of their chants, which in our modern world, are problematic. (I just italicized that because I wanted you to get angry for a split second. Those chants are problematic!)

I mean, I do that all the time when I’m joking around. Like, “look at all these white dudes! Do they think Trump is playing in midfield today?” That’s a bad joke, but it’s been a long day, so let me have it, ok? The point is that I wouldn’t go to a game, look at a bunch of white dudes and write an article for a real magazine that people actually read where I call those white dudes racist. Who knows? They might actually be racist, but I generally like to have some facts, or at least a series of related incidents to use as examples when I accuse someone of racism and creating an unsafe environment. Generally though.

Anyway, let’s not spend time dissecting the article. It’s trash. You get the point, right? Americans have adopted European tendencies because they want to cosplay like Euro trash, and this development has made MLS unsafe for Latino fans. We’re all good, right? Cool.

So here are the problems this trash article (trash articles happen, nbd dude who wrote it. It’s cool. It happens.) creates.

• Well-intentioned influencers (I’m so sorry for using that word) see it as a step in the right direction and share, effectively lowering everyone’s expectations of good writing.
• It’s so predictable that hardcore fans can dismiss it because they’ve read the same storyline with the same approach about five billion times.
• Defensive fans (the type we should be targeting to change their hearts and minds) get an easy out because there’s no real information in the article.
• Any potential for a reasonable conversation (lol on the internet tho) gets ruined because there’s really not really anything factual to build upon.
• The topic gets poisoned for a period of time and we have to wait for our fucking mobile game timer to refill to let us talk about it again.

These things, combined, are bad. Like, real bad. Browse any subreddit called /r/mls and you’ll see fans naming the three brown dudes they have in their supporter group and how sometimes they use Spanish chants. “Sometimes we get Taco Bell on matchdays.” Or even worse, you’ll get the people who suddenly jump in with the quasi-racist “WHY SHOULD WE ACCOMODATE PUTO CHANTERS” which is a whole extra topic that gives me a headache.

All in all, I’m just saying that this doesn’t take us any closer to forcing people to confront real issues. Like how literally everyone in soccer means Mexicans when they say Latinos. Or how the media perpetuates homerism and a negative perspective towards Mexican fans while they overlook incidents closer to home. Or how not every Mexican fan wears a sombrero on the weekends while listening to Bronco. (They fucking should though.) Or how the media protects certain groups because they make for good documentaries when tournament time comes. Or how the media ignores real, hard-hitting stories close to home because that exotic story of growth from poor surroundings “can only happen overseas.” Or how people in positions of power are notably, not diverse. Or how domestic leagues haven’t historically done much to reach Hispanics despite the fact that they almost make up 40% of the league’s viewership. Or how the league ignores minorities of all types because they don’t fit into an easy consumer profile. Or how the league ignores minority issues. Or how the league exploits its few minority fans with targeted marketing but no real purchase towards community building. Or how people fetish poor kids as national team players without thinking, “Hey, these kids are poor, let’s help them.” Or, you know where I’m heading with this.

(Editor’s Note: I mean, it’s me editing this too so whatever: I know progress is being made and there are exceptions! Those exceptions and signs of progress of fucking dope. NYCFC is building a shit ton of fields. That is fucking cool. We still need to confront uncomfortable topics though. Also, this is Medium which is basically a fancy LiveJournal, so GTFO.)

You get my point. I’m ranting. And to a certain extent, this *waves arms around* isn’t helpful either, but fuck. There are real topics to confront people with. Real, tangible, lived experiences that people need to see. And this one article takes our yearly ration, and pushes us back about 6 months!

I know what you’re thinking: “well if you blah blah something write it yourself.” And you’re right! I should, and I’m going to try to, but I also want to say this to the rest of you. Don’t fall for hot takes when it really counts. Fucking dig in and do real work.

Unless you want to do listicles about mascots, because those are fucking dope and I will give you so many clicks.

Cheers,

• maxi

(I’m happy for y’all to disagree with me and I would love to learn your perspective. xoxo.)

(Yooooooooo, I forgot. This is Medium, so there’s no character limit! If you want to hit the comments, maybe this is a decent place to actually talk about things?)