It was his first day on the job & he accidentally deleted our entire fucking shared folder — the team was furious! The brand assets, the specs, and especially the goddamn pitch deck were all teleported to an alternate universe with less idiots. The Account Manager grasped her coffee cup as if she was about to smash it over his head. The Sales Director just looked like a chagrined parent on the verge of saying “I’m not even mad, just disappointed…”.
It seemed he would go from hired to fired in 60 seconds… he stood in the doorway dumbfounded. I assumed that he was trying to accept the odd reality that after all these years of debauchery on the company card, Dropbox was the thing that would ultimately do him in. Not the hooker he brought to the office, not the cocaine remnants he’d consistently forgotten to clean off his desk… not even the company happy hour where he’d puked on his boss! Well, that is just my conjecture on his history, but I would confidently wager that at least one of those events happened.
He was an old school sales guy, Chicago style, straight out of Glengarry Glen Ross. Suffice to say, he was not very tech savvy. At that moment, he was probably reminiscing on the days of paper leads & manila folders. He desperately needed a lifeline, & I’m somewhat of an ‘internet kid’ so I decided to give him a hand. I geared up, slurped down my black coffee, & opened up the browser. It was go time: I jumped into the settings menu & hit restore. Viola! Everything was back in an instant & the tension was disarmed, so the team placed down their weaponized office supplies. Funny that no one else in the office knew how to do that... it was a tech company after all.
So, you’re probably wondering: how did I acquire the secret spell that magically reverses the curse of a vanished shared folder? Perhaps you will chalk it up to my deep technical knowledge, or my prodigious problem solving ability, or even the lingering rumors that I’m actually a sentient A.I. of such unremarkable usefulness that I seem relatively human. Well, the truth is far less interesting & frankly somewhat embarrassing. It comes in the form of a confession, which I will shamefully divulge to you now. You see, back on my first day… I too accidentally deleted the entire fucking shared folder!
The only reason this story isn’t about me is because I googled how to fix it before anyone found out. Reminds me of what Camus wrote in The Stranger:
“One always has exaggerated ideas about what one doesn’t know.”
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