Custody Wars — When Kids Win
We won!
There are far too many heartbreaking stories about fathers losing custody, so I’d like to share a success story with you.
Two years ago my ex and I filed for divorce with 50/50 physical and legal custody of our four sons. Co-parenting was strong and we were planning our own lives. Our lawyer had everything written up and she went in to sign the papers, but hesitated. After speaking with a few of her friends who went through terrible divorces themselves, she decided she deserved more.
Over the past two years I faced false allegations of abuse and neglect, repeat visits from police and CPS, hostility, liable and slander. I watched this once peaceful and loving woman become a suicidal, bitter and angry person who would stop at nothing to destroy me, even at her children’s expense. Attorney fees neared ten grand and I almost lost my house three times. Anxiety was overwhelming to say the least.
Despite her pursuit of full custody, the house and what would have amounted to thousands in support every month, we won. I sought the same terms as our initial contract. I still have my house, my property and my children every other week. None of her allegations stuck and she is not only forced to co-parent on equal terms, she is bound to withhold slander from the children.
I had a judge who beloved in the importance of fathers. I had a fair custody evaluator. I had an honest child case worker. I had a great lawyer. Maybe I’m the exception in Minnesota. But I do know this: Every ounce of anger and frustration I had towards her was redirected as love, attention and patience towards my sons. That is what truly won this case. Fathering children with integrity and commitment. Putting my energy into them, not bitterness and unforgivness. The judge, case worker and custody evaluator noticed.
I will never see her in the same way. A parent who tries to take children from another good parent is nothing less than atrocious. But she is their mother and now that the battle is over, I can already see her trying to put that once terrible energy into being the best mommy she can be. That is why I say WE won.
Be the best dad you can be. Sometimes that’s the best defense when faced with insurmountable odds.
\”�ۙc�