Why I Search to End Relationships Before They Start
There’s a lot of dating advice out there on the internet. And then there’s the advice we get from friends. One common thing you’ll hear from others is some variation of “don’t end your relationship before it starts,” or “don’t go looking for ways to end your relationship.”
As I’ve dated more and more I’ve started taking the opposite tactic. I think it’s time we start looking to end our relationships sooner than later.
Yes, it’s unromantic. But living in an age where around 50% of marriages end in divorce — and less significant relationships end even more often — isn’t it time we just get it over with? What’s the point of keeping blinders on either side if our relationship isn’t going to work.
Let’s find out now. Why waste our time.
Just like they would tell you in Silicon Valley, “go fast and break things.” Let’s break our relationships sooner so we can get on to the good ones. The ones that might last. The ones that will fill our lives.
No Pressure is Unrealistic
The “standard” advice is about keeping pressure off of the relationship early in the relationship. What world does this come from?
Is there truly any area of human endeavor that has no pressure? Our jobs have pressure. Our family has pressure. Even our friends put pressure on us from time to time.
Yet we are supposed to somehow start a relationship with no pressure on the future because it is different than everything else in our life?
Doesn’t sound realistic to me.
The Search For Fundamental Alignment
If a relationship is going to last both parties need to have fundamental alignment. Either there is an alignment of values and goals or there isn’t.
And if we are adults entering into the relationship we should have a pretty good idea about our values and goals in life. Does our potential partner have the same values as us? The same interests? Are our life goals even close to each other?
If we don’t have alignment there is no reason to proceed. Why get to like someone when you have no future?
Pressure Will Come
We started with the premise that a lot of people start a relationship by trying to keep the pressure off. “Have fun” or “just enjoy each other” might be something you hear from well meaning advisors.
Not only is it unrealistic to not apply pressure to the relationship at some point the relationship needs to be tested. How will the two of you be a team when the worst is happening? How do you each deal with the stress of life? Does pressure draw you closer or farther apart?
We need to know that pressure will come and we need to start seeing how our relationship will deal with that stress.
Better to Know Sooner
We have limited time on earth. And if you are like most people I’ve encountered you are going to spend some significant time dealing with some form of turmoil from relationships.
Does it really make sense to jump into a relationship, bond and then see if fail? Doesn’t make much sense to me.
The sooner we know the relationship will end the sooner we can get onto other things in our lives whether that is the next date or time with your friends and family.
Let’s start looking for those clues we are headed for a dead end.
Most Relationships Will End
I mentioned the marriage failure rate at the beginning of this article. And we know that most people date multiple people before they end up in a lasting relationship.
So it’s easy to extrapolate that most relationships end. Odds are the one your are headed into will end too. That doesn’t mean to sabotage it but it also indicates that we don’t want to hide the facts.
Since most relationship will end the odds are this person isn’t your partner. So let’s just move on if there are clear indications that this relationship won’t work. Why dodge the issue that is sitting right in front of you?
But There Will Be That One
All of this — all of the screening — is about the ONE. About the one that you don’t want to end.
If you are in a relationship with the wrong one you might not meet the right one. So we’ve got to get the wrong ones out of our time.
I want to end as many relationships as I can so that I can get to the one that doesn’t end.
By: The Our Shawn McBride who is constantly studying the Future of Business as the host of The Future Done Right(TM) Show. If you want regular content on the future of business subscribe to get new blog posts from us here.