Hero Bravely Avoids Taking Stand
Serving as a shining beacon of moderatism and neutrality, local fencesitter Raymond Matheson refused to take a stance in a recent argument.
“I just try not to get worked up,” said the arbiter of moderation and level-headedness in the face of conflict.
When questioned on his heroic even-handedness, Raymond merely answered that he “doesn’t believe that anyone should be persecuted for their beliefs and that everyone has a right to an opinion, no matter how I personally feel about it.”
“Yes, times are especially tense these days, but I’m always ready to diffuse a situation. Really, we’re all on the same side and need to focus on what we have in common instead of what makes us different,” Matheson continued, smiling with reluctant pride at his absolute refusal to defend his beliefs.
“Like, there are some people who think it’s okay to use violence against people they disagree with and I am totally against that,” the bastion of rationality and free speech said regarding his staunch pacifism. “Sure, even if you are advocating for the genocide of an entire race of people, I don’t think it’s right to punch you in the face. Do I agree with it? Of course not. But, they have a right to free speech just like I do and I truly believe that every disagreement can be settled with words and not fists. Besides, if I attack them, am I really any better than they are?”
“Even if someone was calling for the extermination of my own people, I would not engage them on a physical level. I would sit them down and settle things the way civilized people do: with rationality and debate. That’s the only way to truly make any progress. If I can’t talk a person out of wanting to commit a genocide with factual evidence and appeals to logic, then maybe I need to re-examine my own perspective on the matter.”
Unfortunately, Raymond had to cut the interview short as a man began telling a woman that she needed to go back to her own country and felt the need to stand between them and make it clear that “both sides have their merits”.