Brandon “Muffin” Malecek ‘Likely Knew of Overweight Discs’ USA Ultimate Commission Finds

Mean Machine
May 8, 2015 · 2 min read

USA Ultimate released its findings today after investigating allegations that New England Ironside handler Brandon “Muffin” Malecek used overweight game discs in their Club Championships 13–12 semi-final win over Ring of Fire. The report states that Muffin “probably knew that the discs were overweight” and played at least some part in replacing the official 175 gram game discs with 200 gram discs.

Malecek, no stranger to disc-related controversies, was suspended without pay by the MLU in 2013 for his comments about the Innova Pulsar disc. He has also been outspoken about his preference for a heavier disc when playing upwind points. While discussing 175 gram discs at a 2014 preseason press conference he made his stance on lighter discs clear. “I threw my fourth flick huck to a wide open deep target and for the fourth time, the disc turned, bladed and fell incomplete.”

Even on the international stage teams have called foul on Malecek and Ironside. At the WFDF Championships, Japan’s Buzz Bullets claimed to have evidence of Malecek tampering with discs during their Quarterfinal match.

Critics of Malecek and Ironside insist that USAU strip them of their Championship title and fine Malecek heavily, but Ironside’s supporters insist that their team has never won a title and probably won’t for the next 30 years.

Ironside captain Russell Wallack was defiant in response to today’s report, saying he was disappointed in the findings and still believes that Malecek did nothing to violate USAU rules. “If Muffin was really cheating, I think he would have put up some more impressive numbers” said Wallack.

When teammate and close personal friend Jeff Babbit was asked what he thought of Overweightgate, he responded by flexing a bicep while shotgunning a can of Four Loko. He later went on to say that the only thing that is overweight is “deez nuts.”

Malecek made a brief statement following today’s report, “I didn’t alter the discs in any way. I have no knowledge of wrongdoing. Now if you excuse me, there’s a certain Victoria’s Secret model who’s waiting for her little muffy.”

    Mean Machine

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    Officially the unofficial alter-ego of Chicago Machine. More satire at:

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