Tom Crawford Apologizes to Teammates for Falsifying His Status as Tulane Student

Mean Machine
Apr 30, 2015 · 2 min read

Three days after USA Ultimate’s announcement that Tulane University was disqualified from the College Championships, Tom Crawford, Tulane ultimate player and USAU CEO, has come forward to apologize. Speaking to his teammates today he said he ‘sincerely regretted’ his role in falsifying the eligibility paperwork for Tulane’s 2015 college spring season. Crawford, who never actually enrolled at Tulane, doctored his status as an enrolled student on the roster forms he submitted to USAU on the team’s behalf.

The entire Tulane ultimate team, including the captains, were unaware that Crawford was not enrolled in school for the spring semester and first heard the news when USAU made their announcement on Monday night.

Captain Ben Lampert said “We never thought twice about Tom’s status as a student. You’d always see him on the quad, playing hacky sack, or slack lining.” Crawford, who was a regular at off-campus parties, had played his way onto Tulane’s starting offensive line, as Tulane relied heavily on his break mark throws from the center handler position. On why Crawford was entrusted with the team’s USAU roster submission, Lampert stated “when he offered to handle our USAU roster, I was just happy to have that off my plate.”

Fellow captain Patrick Murphey says he is still shocked at the news but some little things from the past year are “beginning to make sense.” “Every time I asked Tom for some Ibuprofen, he would give me a handful of Bayer.”

When speaking publicly, Crawford was openly remorseful for his decision, repeatedly shaking his head and mumbling “I just wanted one more year”. It was clear Crawford did not anticipate being caught, saying “Look, I was as surprised as anyone that USAU actually verifies those registrar forms. Will Deaver has been playing for Colorado School of Mines for the better part of 11 years, and no one has said a damn thing.”

Prominent Tulane alum, and current Seattle Sockeye star Taylor Kinley took to social media to say “As a proud alum, all I can say is WOW. Why didn’t I ever think of doing that?”

At press time, Crawford was 9 seconds into a keg stand at the Lambda house, and had reportedly taken off his shirt earlier in the day during a beer pong argument.

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