Ten months ago, I posted on LinkedIn a few reflections that had bubbled up. Let me set context, it was May 2022 when I posted, Ernie was only a few weeks old, my partner was recovering from giving birth, and I did not feel supported at work…so I took the leap.
As you read my initial points, I’ve added updates to my initial reflections. You will cleverly see “update” :)
It’s been an interesting few weeks. Here are a few reflections, not in any particular order. If you read all that I’ve shared, then thank you. I appreciate it. #dadlife #leadership #workbetterlivebetter
- C.R.E.A.M. Even if that’s not the way I want to live my life. I intentionally give at least 10% of what I make so money doesn’t rule how I live. UPDATE: Money has been tight and my giving has been adjusted, but we continually give. Even though we could use some extra cash, we’re making it work and it will be ok.
- Relationships are THE most important thing at home/work — find the right ones and stick with them. UPDATE: More and more I hear about people leaving their jobs because they decided to follow a leader that they have a relationship with. Relationships and connections are a differentiator and guess what…you can learn, develop and get better at this.
- Hard decisions never have good timing so be clear why you make them…meeting other peoples expectations or seeking approval are rough roads to go down. UPDATE: Becoming a parent has made me learn and be better at creating boundaries. I’ve had to ask my mom to call before she comes over to see Ernie. I’ve said “no” to others so that I can say “yes” to my family, which is difficult for me but totally necessary.
4. There is always time to figure it out again…arbitrary timelines and definitions of success just make you feel like crap and cause insecurity. UPDATE: Leaving a 6-figure job + equity + annual bonus was not easy and my own self-judgement made me feel like I had just ruined my career. But I continue to realize that leading myself through my values is more important. If I care and know my own “why”, then I can figure it out and not one decision will be my last.
5. Life is a hell of a lot more important than my work. Also, I love the work I do but my partner and newborn rule my world, not even close. UPDATE: This continues to be true and truer as the days go by.
6. Becoming a dad is filled with ups and downs…nothing about it has been a fairy tale. I’m living it and I miss how things used to be. Doesn’t make me a bad dad or regret having a child. UPDATE: Reminding myself that I can hold two truths at the same time and one doesn’t take away or add to the other. Guilt and self-condemnation aren’t helpful.
7. When a team or family grows, all norms have to be renegotiated. If you’re not willing to do so, then have a bottle of Tylenol handy. UPDATE: This is a really hard point of reflection. Raising a kid, sleep deprivation, financial worries, etc. puts a strain on a marriage. Although the division of labor worked out because we talked about it, the day to day communication that occurs in the moment has been tough. We talk about it and we work on it but this was a lot easier before Ernie when we were almost always on the same page.
8. Raising a child is everyone’s job, as is doing the laundry, cooking, feeding, taking out the trash, grocery shopping, helping with HW, etc.
9. When things get chaotic, go back to your values. If they are not clear, then get clear on them. In rough moments, a North Star helps give clear direction…the rest is up to you to do.
10. I left my job when I needed money and practical security the most and have no regrets because having my cup filled is more important than my bank account. UPDATE: My cup is FULL! I’ve since invested myself into building my business, Measured Leadership. I have been sub-contracting with wonderful consultants and business owners, learning to “sell” and build relationships that will hopefully be direct clients, writing more, and being together with my partner and Ernie, and working when it makes sense and not the other way around. Is it tight financially? YES! But when I’m (God willing) 80 years old, what will I remember?
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