This is a story about two roads — Should and Must. It’s a pep talk for anyone who’s chosen Should for far too long — months, years, maybe a lifetime — and feels like it’s about time they gave Must a shot — There are two paths in life: Should and Must. We arrive at this crossroads over and over again. And each time, we get to choose. Over the past year I’ve chosen Must again and again. And it was petrifying. And at times it was dark. But I would never, ever…

All you have to do is picture yourself on the other side — A few years ago, one of my children became obsessed with roller coasters. He watched video after video to study them from afar. He designed his own in computer games. There was just one problem: He was terrified of actually riding one. Eventually, he identified the “Sooper Dooper Looper” at…

I interviewed the oldest people I know. Their responses contradict popular research about aging and happiness. — My preconceptions about older people first began to crumble when one of my congregants, a woman in her 80s, came into my office seeking pastoral care. She had been widowed for several years but the reason for her distress was not the loss of her husband. It was her falling…

I had 50 painfully uncomfortable conversations with strangers to practice being assertive under pressure. Here’s what I learned. — I’m sitting alone in a coffee shop in Manhattan and I’m about to become the most disliked person in the room. First, I’m going to interrupt the man reading quietly near the window and ask for a sip of his latte. Next, I’m going to ask the line of people…

Our choices reflect and determine who we are. — One of the first things I discovered as President of the United States was that no decision that landed on my desk had an easy, tidy answer. The black-and-white questions never made it to me — somebody else on my staff would have already answered them. And while few decisions…

Why taking a step back is as necessary as moving forward — From everything that I recall about my life so far, I can say one thing with absolute certainty. I have been an extremely passionate person. Passionate about everything. Be it life in general, work, friendships, relationships. Bustling with energy, I have always liked to give my heart, my soul, my…

And why simple manners can transform your relationships — Most people don’t notice I’m polite, which is sort of the point. I don’t look polite. I am big and droopy and need a haircut. No soul would associate me with watercress sandwiches. Still, every year or so someone takes me aside and says, you actually are weirdly polite, aren’t…

A cognitive hypnotherapist shares “the secret ingredient” — Some people are simply a joy to be around. The conversation flows effortlessly. You laugh. You’re genuinely interested. You look forward to seeing them, and when you part ways you feel like their company was a valuable use of your time. Obviously, this connection has partly to do with how…

Some of the most important truths in life are contradictory on the surface. They seem like impossibilities, yet experience proves them to be obvious over and over again. It isn’t until you look a bit deeper, beneath the surface contradictions, that the real grains of wisdom emerge. Below are 20…

At this very moment, you may be here: Or you may be here:

(and how to try your own low-stress experiment) — In 2012, I realized I had a problem. My iPhone made me twitchy. It called to me from my pocket, the way the Ring called Bilbo Baggins. My moment of clarity happened in my living room. I was sitting on the floor one evening, building train tracks with my kids…

How do we untether ourselves from the people we imagined we’d become? — Growing out of things is spun as a given: Old clothes that no longer fit or feel like you, jobs or schools, phases of life, living situations, habits. …

I got a couple of those Facebook Memories today that I’m glad I wrote. I’m grateful I saw them this morning, and I want to share them. November 5, 2018 I wrote this yesterday on my tumblr thing. …

The best pieces of wisdom gathered from a body of work that spans 2,000 years — What is the job of a philosopher? “When the standards have been set,” Epictetus said, “the work of philosophy is just this, to examine and uphold the standards, but the work of a truly good person is in using those standards when they know them.” Pretty straightforward then: Define your…

What We Found After Analyzing Nearly 55.000 Studies Credit: Nicole Avagliano Why does psychotherapy work? Until relatively recently, many scientists studying methods of improving mental and behavioral health have delayed answering that question. …

Why you can’t just do it, and what to do instead When I was writing my PhD I didn’t have bad weeks. I had bad months. The kind when each day you wake up thinking, “Today I will actually do the thing” and then you… don’t. Somehow the day ticks…

But unseen barriers do — I’ve been a psychology professor since 2012. In the past six years, I’ve witnessed students of all ages procrastinate on papers, skip presentation days, miss assignments, and let due dates fly by. I’ve seen promising prospective grad students fail to get applications in on time; I’ve watched PhD candidates take…

Using the hunger I experienced as a kid to teach mine the power of generosity — I was five years old when my mom took off with me to the coast. She said she needed a do-over. We were starting fresh, with no belongings, no toys, no furniture. She said we had empty hands so that we could catch new blessings. We also had empty pockets…

Configure Your iPhone to Work for You, Not Against You — The iPhone could be an incredible tool, but most people use their phone as a life-shortening distraction device. However, if you take the time to follow the steps in this article you will be more productive, more focused, and — I’m not joking at all — live longer. Practically every…