If you’re single, here are 4 ways to achieve independence from past relationships.

Listen, I know how hard holidays can be when you’re single. Especially summer holidays, like Independence Day.

I’ve been there.

It seems like everyone else has someone to be with for the long weekend. It seems like all your friends can do that bike ride, party, or cabin rental with their partners!

While you’re left wondering:

“What would it be like if my ex were still in my life?”

Maybe you think, “at least I had someone!” (even though that relationship was so difficult).

Just. Don’t. Go. There.

So, tell me:

Did you use this Independence Day to achieve independence from your past?

If you’re single, stuck in a series of go-nowhere relationships, or struggling to find The One, the past can feel like it’s right there with you, keeping its hold on you with its unfulfilled promises.

Here are 4 ways the past might be with you, each and every day, and what you can do right now to release yourself from its empty allure:

  • You talk about your ex-partner to friends, family, or new dates. Talking about past relationships is a way to keep your memories alive.

Instead, try this: Any time that person’s name is about to come out of your mouth, pause and take a breath. Don’t be afraid to change the subject to distance yourself from your memory of that person. It’s been proven that thoughts, talk, and action influence our feelings; so, if you want to feel release from past relationships, start by not talking about them.

  • You daydream about your ex-partner and that relationship. Yes, you allow the past to crowd its way into your thoughts, into your precious alone time.

Do this, instead: Some individuals use mindfulness meditation, running, or yoga as ways to quiet an overactive mind. But these practices take…practice. In the Meet to Marry™ method, clients learn several exercises to release themselves from the past and envision their future. However, anyone can begin by starting a journal, in which you write what you want for your own future–without referring to any past relationships.

  • You blame yourself for past mistakes. It’s only natural to feel guilty if you believe you’ve wronged someone, especially someone you loved. But going over and over it won’t do you or your future love life any good.

Try this: Replace self-blame with forgiveness. I’m not advising that you contact your ex-partner to apologize. The relationship ended, so let it be. Instead, forgive yourself. Did you learn from the mistakes? Good. Do you wish to behave differently? Very good. Then forgive yourself, and move on.

  • You try to renew the relationship with a former boyfriend or girlfriend. Maybe you imagine that it will be better this time. Or that you are different, or that the other person has changed. Maybe you even think (gasp!) that you should settle, that you can’t have everything, and that this very flawed relationship is good enough.

Just don’t. Do I even need to say this? Yes, your ex may be a really good person, but you’ve already found out that you are not right for each other. Mismatch of values, vision, interests–whatever it was, still is. Don’t even go there.

There’s much more at Meet to Marry.

Bari Lyman, founder and creator of the Meet to Marry Method™, is on a mission to help you find your true love and perfect match — your best friend — this year. Over the past 15 years, Bari’s revolutionary method has helped thousands of single men and women of all ages and backgrounds experience the quick and powerful breakthroughs that put them on the fast track to meeting and marrying their extraordinary lifetime love within just one year. *Yes! You, too, can find love this year!