I feel this! Without getting too much into me and my saga, I developed a very unhealthy relationship with exercise when I was in college. Sadly, it was in large part due to the attitudes of my track & field coaches. I fell out of love with lifting and my sport. I yo-yo’d through my 20’s and ended up gaining more weight each time. I turned 30 not too long ago and decided to get fitter. I’m viewing it as changing my body composition, not losing weight, because I had eating disorder-y issues in the past that still creep into my life.
Honestly, best thing that I did to help me get physically fitter was getting mentally fitter. I had to go through some intense cognitive behavioral therapy to get to the place where I could accept my body enough to go back to the PCP and get a physical for the first time in years, actually look at how much I weight (yikes!), have a conversation about my weight and health, join a new gym, and get back into lifting.
I’m not doing real power lifting at this point like I did in high school and college. Maybe I will in the future. But just the little bit of lifting that I’m doing (easy bench and squats and some machines) has already made a huge difference in my body. It’s what my body and musculature loves, but I neglected it for years in attempts to make my body thinner by doing 45–60 minutes of cardio 5x/week. *eyeroll*
You got this!