Kira,

During your time here spent on Earth/ in this world — I don’t know; I don’t really know how it works — I did not realize how much of an impact you had on me. I guess the whole, “You don’t realize what you have until it’s gone” thing is true. I really wish that I had appreciated all the little things and moments we shared together. But what I really wanted to express is how even now that you are gone, you still continue to impact and influence me.

Especially today, two years later, I still see how your passing affects people, and I am in awe by the number of people you have managed to touch. The fact that you were able to impact so many people- and all types of people from different social groups to different sport groups, etc- is just incredible. You managed to bring so many people together and you still do. I have personally made friends with people within the past two years that I would not have if it were not for you.

You have shaped me into a stronger and different person. Exactly two years ago today, around this time in fact, I found out about what happened. Hallie had texted me since I was at Costco with my parents, and I still remember immediately shutting down. I did not even tell my parents what had happened and I pretended that nothing had changed- even though everything had just changed. I still remember going straight to my room and shutting the door so that I could be by myself. I still remember, to this day, how I failed to be a good sister. Rather than comforting my sister or at least physically being there for her (I’m not a good comforter), I put my own needs in front of hers.

So Hallie, if you’re reading this, I want you to know how sorry I am for not being there for you that day and night.

Kira, when I look back on these past two years, I see how much I have changed and it is all due to you. Because of you, I now reach out to others whether it is because I know they are struggling or simply because I have not talked to them in awhile. I now randomly express myself and my feelings to other people because I never know when it will be my last chance. I now act kinder, speak kinder, and think kinder. I am now a better friend and better person because of you.

As time goes on, it does get “easier,” but other days, it really is just like how people say, “You have to take it day by day.” But I hope that if anybody is reading this that it is getting easier for you, day by day. I hope that if anybody is reading this that you start to smile more when you think of Kiralyn Hanh Harrison. And I hope that if anybody is reading this that you never feel guilty for moving on and being happy. Kira will forever be a part of us, and I truly find comfort in knowing this.

Kira, thank you again for being you and thank you for everything that you have done for me. I am forever grateful for having known you. I love you and miss you like hell. And of course, Ohana means family. And family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

Love you Lilo.

8.07.16