Sophomore year. And no I don’t mean sophomore year of high school *ha ha* — I’m talking sophomore year of college!!

It’s weird because I have more feelings the second time around. Last year I was mainly just excited. Nervous. Unprepared. Young, naive, hopeful. A freshman.

This time around everything’s heightened and I guess it kind of makes sense. I already know the gist of how the school year is going to go and how college works — as much as a sophomore can know. (Fingers crossed for my Kelley Accelerate Program little freshmen kids that I know a little bit of what I’m talking about.)

I know how ~lit~ and memorable and amazing college is. I know how independent and demanding and fast paced life can be. I know how stressful and challenging and draining classes will be. And I know that there’s nothing I can do to prepare for it but know that it is all a part of life.

What I didn’t know though is how hard it would be to say bye to everyone the second time around — my family, my friends, my childhood, my “home” home for the last 18–19 (ish) years of my life, and most importantly my bed and home cooked meals all over again. And I’m not going to lie, tears were shed…all over again. *Shout out to everyone last night who saw me sobbing*

BUT!! Looking back on this summer, I don’t think I would have done much differently. I spent a good fair share of time split between enjoying my time home, spending time with my loved ones, relaxing and decompressing from the school year, catching up on books, tv, movies, and sleep, working my 10–5 job and studying for my online class, and soaking up the summer sun and getting a few new freckles before heading back to Indiana.

College is weird because it is ultimately just a bunch of children living together without adult supervision who are supposed to be responsible, mature adults… and along with everything else, the spectrum exists. Everybody is. different. Everyone has a different vision and path. And everyone is ultimately living his or her own life.

I have never been an independent, decisive, out spoken person. Whenever I want to go somewhere or do something, I drag people along with me. Whenever I go out to eat, my friends order my meals. I’m not much of an adult in that sense.

But if there is one thing I’ve learned from freshman year and summer, I think it would be that I have better grasped the concept of doing what it is that I, emphasis on I, want to do and doing what is in the best interest for me.

That includes a range of things from knowing when I want to stay in versus go out, when I want to be alone versus with others, when I want Ramen noodles versus pasta from Gresh or Forrest, etc…All stupid things but what it comes down to is better knowing myself and and actually listening to myself.

Looking into sophomore year, I already have a lot to look forward too. I mean…I’m not a freshman anymore. I have my friends, I know a lot of my classmates, I somewhat remember the campus…? I’m not looking forward towards the wintertime, but I’m also looking forward towards walking home after a long day to the Pi Palace, the Alpha Delta Pi sorority house that I will be living in with all of my friends and sisters. I’m looking forward towards those late night long nights of contacts out, glasses on, hair up studying and cramming (and hopefully feeling accomplished and a little less stressed afterwards).

As I sit at the airport waiting to board my flight back to Indiana, I am feeling very excited, a tad bit nervous, and pretty prepared for being unprepared. But more importantly, I’m feeling a lot more confident, determined, and ready.

Or maybe that’s just the “fake it till ya make it” or the “hope for the best” or the *excuse my language* “fuck it” mindset that I’ve learned to accept from freshman year.

We shall see.

To everyone reading this, whether you’re a student or not, I wish you the best of luck with all of your endeavors and I hope that you tackle everything head on with passion, ethics, and grit. I hope that this year treats you well and that this year will be a good one for us all. And I can’t wait to see all my MD people again soon and my IU people even sooner.