Just a small incident and it already causes me to dwell over it for a long while. A client negotiated in this annoying way which makes me feel cheap & disrespectful (for her, not for me). I totally got worked up over that. After hanging up, what bugged me even more is that even though I have been in this industry for 2 years and had my fair shares of annoying customers and difficult clients, I still get frustrated over something so trivial. Then, it bugged me even further because over something like this, I have spent way too much effort to think and reflect. It’s good that I reflect, which means I learn. However, I have to admit that I am way too easy to get worked up.

The image that I am aiming for is a cool, calm, collected, low-pitched businesswoman. Compared to this farfetched image, I am more like a chipmunk now. =_= I know that I am a passionate person. That’s why it is hard to contain myself sometimes. But come on!! I am 26 and I have been a manager for 2 years! Just because I am working in advertising sales & customer service, it doesn’t mean that I can’t have my attitude. I need my own reverence too.

Today, I also mocked Fr. a lot during the team meeting. Damn, isn’t that very childish of me? And what did that gain me? He is still the “dictator” and does whatever he puts his mind too. In a way, it’s bad for me. But it is benefiting him so much. He just doesn’t give a shit. And he gets to learn to lead, learn to run a company, learn all kinds of things. And what did I learn? I learn that I am such a loser =_=. And I appear very immature and jealous over him in front of the whole team. And it seems like he has learned one thing or two. He didn’t respond to the mockery and the pun, which is very unlike him previously. Damn!! Fighting a losing battle. Moral of the story: Dont be such a kid! Cool, calm and collected.

Sometimes I dont know what is going on. Well, a lot of times actually. I truly think that there is part of my brain not functioning =_= I am so freaking naive. Truly naive and trust too easily. Damn, what is wrong with me. I totally believe that I have enough brain power to see things and people and incidents as they are. But then what holds me back? Fuck fuck fuck!!! Like I am afraid to dig too deep and discover the truth =_= or maybe I am just lazy=_=. I dont know what it is with me to feel ngại and all. I need to confront better. And why I am afraid? If I am the one who is right then why I am afraid? Afraid of the bad, afraid of the wrong? Damn!! So stupid and all.

I always feel held back. But who/what is holding me back? Nothing! Nothing! It’s just me! Just me! With my stupid mindset!! I dont wanna feel held back, I dont wanna feel frustrated, I dont wanna feel worked up, I dont wanna feel naive and gullible, I dont wanna be too nice either. I hate how people are abusing my niceness. But isn’t that not supposed to make you bitter and less nice? I demand respect!! I am telling ya!!! I need to build my image.

Moreover, I want to “become myself”, to grow into myself, which is much more important than growing up as this article mentions. I have so much potentials and I am not acting them. OMG, I dont wanna be 80 and look back and regret that I haven’t become what I want to become, haven’t acted out my potentials. Huhuhuhu. I can sketch, I can argue, I can present, I can lead, I can create, I can run, I can be lean and mean, I can be powerful, I can be extraordinary, I can be inspiring, I can be shining, I can achieve big things, I can be good at math, I can speak fluently English, Chinese, Korean, I can write real well, I can get into Stanford, I can make people amazed, I can have a happy life, happy with myself, with my life. Huhuhu. I can do all these. I can travel to amazing places and meet amazing people. I can do things, go places, see people!! Huhuhuhu. I need to! I will!

Always look around and never find. Because it is within myself. It’s all from the inside. It’s all from the inside. From inside!!! From within!!!

25 years in life and I have finally realized so.

25. Looming number. I feel like I have wasted too much time. And the thought is bad. You should not be overwhelmed and panic over how much time you think you have wasted. You should focus on the present and the future. How much time you are having and how much time you still have left. Dont panick. Long road is finished by taking one step at a time. Dont panick. You will be lean, you will be healthy, you will be smart, you will be successful. Just work hard and in no time, all these will become true. Dont be afraid and dont compare your road with anyone else. You have your own life. “Con cháu có phúc của con cháu". “Bạn bè có phúc của bạn bè". “Mình cũng có phúc của riêng mình"

Stop being distracted so much. Focus. Dont try to be cool or right. Dont get involve in drama and things that are not concerned you. Like today with Fr. healing boot or anything. Dont be intimediated by stupid things. Like that stupid Trang from GT. =_=