When You Re-Entered My Life Again part 1

This post will serve as a Prologue to what my actual thoughts are:

Starting from the beginning, I was out with Jenna and co-workers for Jenna’s birthday events which consisted of going to eat seafood for dinner, going to a bar in St. Marks, and a club in Ktown. While we were at the bar and drinking, we were all just kinda comforting each other because most of us had some sort of break-up however recent. Jenna just broke up. Angus broke up a year ago. And mine was half a year ago. Suddenly, I received a message from you out of the blue asking the typical, “How have you been?” I was drinking and confused and announced that my ex just messaged me. Everyone was saying ‘No, don’t reply. Just leave it on seen.’ And another was saying ‘you’re intoxicated right now, don’t reply.’ But I mean I wasn’t drunk or anything.. but I replied because I feel really weird just leaving messages on seen. I put my phone away for the night and continued on. Everyone asked me if I was alright, if I was still thinking about it. In the moment I wasn’t but I feel anxious.

I always feel anxious whenever something related to you appears. When you appear on the active now list on messenger, when a new post or picture of you appears somewhere, when I see someone with a name similar to yours appear, all of these causes me anxiety when it happens.

By the end of the night, I had a Mardi Gras, two tequila shots, half a whiskey, a long island iced tea, lemon drop shot, and a lot of yogurt soju shots and lychee martini shots. Sounds like a lot but I still didn’t feel drunk. I went home and slept but woke up in the middle of the night. It was really hot.. I don’t understand how people sleep after drinking when you can still feel all the alcohol in you. I got up for work and continued on with the day. You said you were in the city and visiting for a week. At this point, I didn’t know if you just wanted to make small talk with me or whether you were implying that you wanted to meet up so I replied in a specific way by saying how you should go catch up with people and visit places and see how the city changed. I didn’t mention anything having to do with me. You didn’t really replied and may have left me on seen. I carried on with day.

Monday came, I was out early at Cafe Bene and it was then that I met McJin. It was an overwhelming moment, I always wanted to meet him. But moving on from that point, I then met up with Rose and we walked around a lot. We walked from Chinatown to the World Trade Center to visit the new mall there. We then went from there through Battery Park and reminisced about our middle school days a bit. Then from Battery Park, we walked to West 4th and then took a bus to St Marks for dinner at Kenka. It was a great day. We spontaneously went to watch a movie at 10:45pm and me and Amy almost even got our ears pierced but we chickened out. My phone was turnt off all day due to being on extremely low battery and actually dying during dinner. I charged it a little right before the movies and.. there it was: messages from you.

I received them together as the phone turns on and I didn’t know if they were sent at different times or together. The first one said ‘Hey, do you think we can be regular friends?’ The second one said ‘Do you think we can meet up a little bit tomorrow?’

I rode the bus back home after the movie, it was almost 2am. There’s a certain kind of vibe that comes with riding in any vehicle at night alone… but especially on a bus where you stare out the window and ponder about life. I had much to ponder about.. I was anticipating this. I was waiting months for this.. for the week of your return in August and waiting to see if you would seek me out. But I didn’t know what would happen, how would things go. Things probably couldn’t have gotten worse between us but any little thing couldve triggered me and I would’ve burst out all the pent up emotions I had built and hid away the past half year. I agreed to the meet up casually.. but I had no sleep that night.

To be continued…