Love is a work of heart!
What is the first thing you think of when you read the word “Love”? Is it the things you love to do? The people you love? Maybe its the food you love? I go to the people in my life first when I think of the word “Love”. I go to the feeling that “Love” gives me when I am caring for someone. It really is a wonderful feeling to “Love”.
Why is that when we mention the word “Love” people don’t want to talk about it or it makes you uneasy, or maybe even feel not worthy of love! I have never understood that, how can you not want express love, or feel like you don’t deserve love? Here is my story on love and what it means to me.
I am all full of love, hugs and smiles and I also thought I had “love” all figured out but it turns out I didn’t. I love doing a lot of things, & I love a lot of different kinds of food. If you are a part of my life I care or even love you and would do anything for you. Notice though how I say “anything”? Well I have learned that doing “anything” for anyone is good and bad, good that I want to help and bad that some people do not care how much you do they will just keep taking.
It took a very important situation in my life to realize that sometimes loving someone means you have to love yourself more. I was guilty of not loving or even respecting myself and allowed other peoples opinions and feelings to override my own. I enabled people to treat me a certain way but would always be there for them when they needed me. It left me with a feeling of resentment and anger, why? Because they were not treating me like I would treat them. I thought it was unfair but never did anything about it. I didn’t take ownership for what I was allowing, I just blamed others for not treating me the way I wanted to be treated, and that is unfair! That saying is so true “Treat others as you want to be treated” but maybe not always the case or even realistic in some ways.
Of the all the things I said I love, ME was never one of them, I looked to others to make me feel loved and happy. How are you suppose to love anyone if you do not love you? We get so caught up in our lives, husbands, wives, kids, work or whatever else your life is made up of, and forget that loving yourself is also important. It sets the stage for how others treat you or models to others on what love is. I was a people pleaser and always wanted everyone to love me, how could you not love me? I was helpful, caring, and would always put my feelings or the things I wanted to do second. Well looking back why did it take me feeling like I had to do something for someone to care? Or rearranging my life for others so their life was easier? I did it because I cared, now I am not saying it is any one else’s fault because I allowed it, but it left me feeling angry, resentful and very sad a lot of the time.
This perspective that I have can apply to any part of your life and it may not work for you, but for me loving myself was never about thinking that I am better then anyone else, it is about knowing that I have what it takes inside of me to love myself. It was about making good choices, taking time for me and knowing my limits. Self love is the most unrecognized love because people think you’re vain or selfish, when really you are just thinking about how the negative behaviour may effect you, your health, or your well being. People that love them selves are looking after themselves and being role models for what they believe happiness is. Is that wrong? I don’t think it is.
So how did I change this? I don’t think I have entirely changed it but I do know I have started setting some boundaries for what I allow in my life. I distanced myself from negative, unhappy, non-motivating people. I starting asking myself what I need to be the best I can be? The biggest thing I did was to stop looking for validation from others (most of the time anyway!!!lol) These so called solutions I have mentioned may sound hard to do or may sound really easy, but either way you just have to ask yourself a few good questions and be honest with the answers. I believe the most honest answers give you the best outcomes, or lessons.
I know that I love myself more then ever now and I make some really great choices. I am also a good role model for my two children, on what setting their own boundaries looks like and having them know that before you love others you have to LOVE YOU! I am constantly learning about “Love” as we all are and my hope for you when you read this message is that you can take something from it and apply it to your own life, or if nothing else have a different perspective on what love means to you.
I know that when someone asks me what I “love” I add in me now! Will you??
love and lots of laughs xoxox