Life Is So Complicated Yet So Simple

Life…how do you define life? Go to google…type in “definition of life”…and there you go, right? Wrong. Life is different for everyone. Some people want the simple life…having a job, kids, married, sex in the same positions…and their so happy. Some people need to always have that adrenaline rush…whether good or bad. And some people like myself are dreamers…we get a high and happiness just from dreaming of all the possiblities our lives could be like…or you could call us the 35 year olds that never make it out of our parents basement! I know the reality of life is…I will probably never get to where I want to be right now unless I worked countless of hours…as a doctor or lawyer…and saved and strecthed every penny I had. But, how appeasing does that sound? It doesn’t sound like life to me. What sounds like life to me…is being able to come out with my own fashion line…collaborate with the greats in the fashion industry…taking lessons from a 3 Michelin star chef, just so I can go home and cook for my family…traveling to every beautiful place on this gorgeous earth of ours…making the happiest memories…helping the less fortunate…making a change world wide…finally bringing women together and see that we all struggle and face the same damn challenges, so why make it harder for each other…these are things that would bring me satisfaction and a defintion to my life. Instead…I sit and I dream of how I can start…what school I can go to to even get started on the life I dream of…If my mother dying at the age of 52 taught me anything…it was make your life the greatest and exactly how you want it because you only get one life…no one (no scientist, no book, no one person) can tell you…you have another life after this one. My mother did not die happy…she did not accomplish all the things she dreamed…she did not see the places she longed for…she didn’t come home to bliss, peace, joy…she was a bit depressed within herself because she wanted so much more. I always saw this in the eyes of a woman who had taken the beating from life…who sacrificed and never got anything, but a sudden stop in her heart…to claim that she will no longer be able to have those dreams…she will only have the memories of mediocre happiness…constant stress…low pay for her time consuming job. And I, as her child will never be able to get her that huge house that she would fill every room in it with different animals…I will never be able to have the most extravagant wedding and say thank you for never giving up on me mom and that’s why I’ve made it here today…never will I be able to send my mother on countless vacations…just to see her beautiful smile, gorgeous tan, and actually see my parents kiss and hold each as if they once did love. And what haunts me now…is that I know I have a limited time with my father…and we have no sort of relationship…we have no family values…we sometimes talk…we sometimes say we love each other…there are no memories because everyday blurs right into the last. There is no excitement or joy…except when I sit and dream of the LIFE I would actually like to LIVE and what it would feel like.

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