Get Rid of the Toxic People in Your Life
Get rid of them. Unfriend them, unfollow them, delete their contact information, change yours; do whatever´s necessary to wipe them out of your life, because keeping them in your life is the number one reason you are not growing or reaching your full potential. Therefore, even if you love them, convince yourself of the reality that you do not need them.
When you refer to someone as toxic, you are not directly referring to the individual but rather to the behavior they adopt when they are around you; in other words, the relationship they establish with you makes them react in a toxic way when they are with you. Don´t get me wrong, this doesn´t mean you are at fault here; toxic behavior simply feeds on any attention you can provide it with. There´s a good reason for this, too. People who are toxic have a need to fill the empty voids they have deep inside. They often have deep wounds they are unable to heal on their own. They lack the capacity to take responsibility for the fire they´ve started inside and therefore, seek to meet their needs by complaining and blaming others for what they have already done to themselves. These types of people possess the innate ability to drain your energy by assailing you with their negativity and because you are a good person, you will most likely spend all your emotional strength and efforts into trying to understand where they are coming from and even cheering them up at times. The problem is not helping someone out, but rather falling into their toxic trap without a way out.
Identify them. The signs are pretty clear when you are surrounded by toxic people, the trick is being aware of them.
They´re drama queens. These people feed on drama; in fact, when everything´s ok, they can´t stand it and must go out and seek out new drama. Thus, being around them can be emotionally fatiguing.
You are constantly “walking on eggshells” when you are with them. It seems like every little thing you say and even the mere presence of “you” can be offending to them. Therefore, it is really difficult to not dread their company.
You feel you can´t be yourself when interacting with them. They´re very manipulative, making it hard for you to really be yourself when having a conversation with them. Interacting with them can make you feel bad or ashamed of yourself and it can be quite exhausting.
When they´re not playing the victim, they bully you. They´re either the victims of every challenging situation they come across, or they are your own personal bully. It´s like you´re in high school all over again when you are around them; leading you to emotionally “check out” all together.
They have a noticeable self- serving bias. What this means is that, when it comes to success, they are the only ones to credit; but when it´s failure on the line, they never have anything to do with it and it´s always everybody else´s fault. It´s important to note as well, that such lack of objectivity is often the result of an attempt to protect their own self — esteem.
How to get rid of them
This is where things can get complicated, especially when, the toxic people in your life have some sort of close relation to you. It´s a different story when it´s a co — worker or a fellow student, where you can just request to be seated somewhere else or shut them out once you´re not sharing an equal environment, without truly feeling bad. But when it´s a close friend, or your mom, your sister or brother, husband or wife, or even your in laws, getting rid of them can be a hardship; believe me I know. But don´t worry, you`ve got options.
If you can, keep your distance. And when I say this, I mean physically find a way to distance yourself. The farther you are from them and the less communication you have the better. However, this is not exactly an option in every case, therefore, if this is unfortunately not a choice you can make, then, the best route you can take is to…
Establish boundaries. The best way to do this is by being assertive. Now, let´s not confuse assertiveness with being rude. When you are assertive you are able to communicate what you are feeling and what is bothering you in a positive and respectful way; with confidence but without demonstratingany sort of aggressiveness. Say it! Tell them how you feel and how emotionally exhausting your relationship with them truly is, not just for your peace of mind and well — being, but for theirs too.
Do not respond to their harassment in a negative way. Remember toxic people feed on attention and energy. Therefore, the key here is not to react but rather to think before you act. Find a balance between your emotions and your reason and go from there. A positive response to their bullying and negative remarks will easily bore them and lead them to avoid wasting their negative energy on you.
Be positive, stay positive. Love yourself more than anything and anyone in this world. Understand that if you´re not happy, everything around you will become a complete torture. Surround yourself with positivity by engaging in anything and everything that you know will keep your spirit uplifted.
Understand that their toxic behavior is the result of pain. People who inflict pain on others are also inflicting pain on themselves. In a creepy way, it´s the only way to keep them going. How you feel after being abused by them is nothing compared to how they feel about themselves every day. So, be understanding and compassionate. Everyone has dealt with and is dealing with battles in their lives including you; so cut them some slack by empathizing as much as you can with them.
Completely shut them out. If all else fails, this is certainly the best route for you. This is a measure you must only take if after trying everything else, their toxic behavior does not change. If you are down to this option you must understand how painful ending a relationship with that person can be, especially if you share a long history with them or they are your own blood. Ultimately, what is truly important is your overall health; therefore, if the relationship you have with them is too toxic for you, then, it´s time to say good bye and move on forward.
Leave no room for regrets, you´re doing this for you.
