The true story how cheese sanctions ruined my life

Kevin Dooley (Flickr)

No cheese, no meat, less wine and less washing powder: these are just some of the hardships I live through daily alongside 99% of the local population.

Sure, we could import our camembert by plane, a few kilos at a time, but our clothes probably wouldn’t survive the olfactive ordeal. Then it would have to make it through the crooked customs guards, which entirely depends on whether they’ve confiscated enough food for their homes that day.

It’s become mandatory in my company for staff to bring back cheese from abroad. If you don’t, we will resent you.

And when I do, I resent them.

Economic sanctions on my cheese are the most advanced form of warfare: a “casualty-free” solution that affects everybody the same (except the rich). Not to mention that 80% of local cheese is fake and full of palm oil.

You see, cheese is a symptom of a larger ill, tit-for-tat sanctions that never affect the politicians who vote on them, just the normal cheese-loving-lactose-tolerant people.

Nowadays, every two days spent in Europe costs me 10% of my salary back home… That doesn’t leave me much money for cheese, does it?

So as the world revolves and you hear of desperate plights, boat rides and terrorists–remember me, and the 150million other people here that don’t have cheese — or other things.