Networking 2.0

Mentally Friendly
Sep 4, 2018 · 7 min read

By Tosh Ichikawa, Mentally Friendly Partnerships Manager

I’ve never liked the word / activity / idea of “networking”. The thought of being crammed into a room full of awkward people seeking to “connect” for business purposes just didn’t feel… natural.

And let’s be clear, there’s nothing natural about networking.

But since networking events aren’t going anywhere any time soon, I thought I should just embrace them and also investigate how we can all make the most of such a situation.

I’d like to touch on the most natural objectives one should have (and related approach) when it comes to networking. In short, how it should be done, in my opinion.

And what makes me the expert of this subject? Good question — no idea. I’ve been told I’m good at it. That’s about it. But just read on and let me know if you disagree.

So…let’s start with a question.

After a networking event, which would you prefer?

a) I spoke to about 10 people briefly and gave out a bunch of business cards; or

b) I got to know 1 person well, and we swapped details.

I ask this question now so that you can answer it yourself later at the end of this article.

CONNECTIONS — Two types

For a connection to occur between two people in the real world: they need to get along and like each other. Otherwise, why else would they be drawn to each other, and want to be friends?

Let’s call this CONNECTION F (F for friends)

For a business connection to occur between two people (say, at a networking event): their business should be aligned, complementary or symbiotic. In other words, they need to be able to help each other in some way.

Let’s call this CONNECTION B (B for business)

In a networking situation, we can all agree that the best-case scenario is to have both Connection F and B. If you can do both at the same time, my hat’s off to you.

But in the absence of being able to achieve both simultaneously, let’s look at what happens when we approach one over the other.

Connection B first.

You’re at a networking event and you just want to target people of interest.

You find the right business person — and exchange business cards. Great.

But without that “something special”, your connection is likely to be weak. After all, you haven’t established why they should care or like you more than all the others in the room. I think that’s easy enough to understand.

As a result, there is a high chance that nothing substantial or significant will come out of that Connection B. Then, you’re left with nothing. And you’ve wasted a business card.

Connection F first

You’re at a networking event, and you decide to just go with the flow. You end up near the canapés because you’re hungry and the food is good. Fair enough.

You start chatting with someone nearby because they seem nice. You talk to them because you enjoy talking to them. There is no ulterior motive.

As a result, Connection F is established easily and naturally. And since Connection F is established, there is a high chance that you two will want to catch up again.

Now, it’s worth noting that there is a chance this person offers no business value to you (Connection B). But even in such a scenario, you’ve made a new friend, and perhaps down the line, for reasons you can’t foresee right now, you’ll be able to help each other out in some way.

Your time and business card were most likely not wasted.

Moral of the story here: Seek Connection F first. Always. And if Connection B comes after, good for you. And if not, still good for you.

OBJECTIVES

Now let’s talk objectives when it comes to networking. I think it’s fair to say that most of us aim to do the following:

  • Meet someone, get along and make a connection.
  • Swap details and agree to follow up (and meet again in the near future); and…
  • Bonus: Learn or teach something new.

Even just looking at these objectives, the importance of making Connection F first and foremost is quite clear.

I included learn or teach something new because I like to aim high. This doesn’t always happen but I think it’s worth a mention. And it goes without saying that such an exchange of knowledge/wisdom rarely occurs at the superficial conversation levels of Connection B banter.

APPROACH

And so if you agree with me so far, then you should be wondering what the best approach is to making Connection Fs. That’s like asking: “how do you make friends?”

Unfortunately, I can’t help you with that. And frankly, if you’re asking that question, you probably shouldn’t be the one attending networking events.

What I can offer you however, are guiding principles that will help you in making both Connection F and Connection B (yes Connection B too!)

GUIDING PRINCIPLES

Don’t come with expectations.

  • Expectations = bad odour.
  • This means: no expectations to meet the person you want to meet, to sell what you want to sell, or to get whatever it is that you want to get.
  • When someone senses you have a certain expectation / intention / ulterior motive, they react to it instantly, in a negative way. They become skeptical, critical, and even defensive. This won’t help you.
  • If you don’t believe me, think about the last time someone called you uninvited, to sell you something. How open were you to that?

The only expectation you should have is to have fun.

Fun energy = pleasant odour (and people will gravitate towards you).

So if you want to have five servings of that canapé because you’re hungry and you love that canapé, do it. And then if someone sees you, be human and say: “I love these, sorry”. And, ice broken.

Listen to what people have to say.

  • It is shocking how little people listen these days and how much conversation today has become just about “waiting for the next polite moment to say what you want to say”. Don’t be that person.
  • Be humble and listen to what others have to say. People love talking, so letting them do so also has the added benefit of making you seem more likeable as they are enjoying their time with you.
  • And believe it or not, you may be surprised and learn something new in the process (and…another objective fulfilled!)
  • And it’s easy. The unique advantage of the “networking” environment, is that it’s the one place where you can walk up to anyone and say: “Hi, how are you, what brings you here?” and never be shut down.
  • Listening, will also help inform your next steps. Do you like this person? Can you help each other out? Do they have that “something else” you’re looking for? Are you two aligned in a business sense? You won’t know any of this until you listen.

Communicate using the Dumbbell Method. The Dumbbell Method is something I made up and it goes a little something like this.

Imagine you want to test the strength of a 10 year old kid. You have a bar with 20kg of weight to put on it.

Approach 1

You load the bar with all 20kg and ask the kid to lift it. And he can’t.

What have you learned? The kid can’t lift 20kg. That’s about it.

Approach 2

You ask the kid to lift only the bar first — and he can. You add 5kg to the bar — and he still can. Add another 5kg — and he still can. Add another 5kg — and this time he can’t.

What have you learned? The kid can lift everything up to 15kg. That’s a lot more information than the first approach.

The message here is that whatever you are explaining, start simple and make sure people can understand you. And once you’re sure they do, only then do you add more weight (complexity, detail, etc). Then check again to make sure they understand that. And repeat.

By using the dumbbell method, you ensure people are attentively listening to you and understanding you along each step of the way. And this is crucial as there is no point in losing someone because you have the Curse of Knowledge.

So to summarise, in networking situations always aim to make meaningful connections that are genuine first. Have fun. Listen. Communicate simply. And then you’ll be on the right track to “network” your way in the world.

This piece was written by Tosh, our Sydney-based Partnerships Manager.


👏 We’re Mentally Friendly. We’re an agile digital product studio that strives to create meaningful and engaging experiences that solve real needs.

📩 If you’d like to create something amazing with us, get in touch- sydney@mentallyfriendly.com

📱 To see more of what we do you can find us here:

Twitter: @MF_says

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Tosh is the Partnerships Manager at Mentally Friendly. A digital design studio based in Sydney and Canberra, comprised of highly-skilled design thinkers, designers and product managers who specialise in collaborative problem solving techniques derived from user-centred design, Lean UX, and Agile development processes.

Tosh also does Story-Design consulting. If you’re interested in either, reach out.

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