Advice from an Adult Toddler

You know something? I miss growing up. I miss getting up early in the morning to watch Nickelodeon’s Hey Arnold, Cartoon Network’s Johnny Bravo and Boomerang’s Scooby Doo. I miss hearing Shaggy say “Zoinks!” I miss that a lot. If having hair that looked like the Leaning Tower of Pisa or saying your full name all the time while rapidly striking a variety of poses every time you met a pretty girl made you look hot? Then, I guess most young boys, now young men, of my generation would have serious game.

But seriously I miss those shows not because they added anything to my life. I mean honestly, Courage the Cowardly Dog didn’t offer any life changing lessons. In retrospect, the title now sounds like a big joke to me. I miss these shows because of the time they represent, a time when life was as deliciously simple as Honey Drops Ice-Cream. When my biggest worry was the power going out and the long wait for it to come back on, a time when my parents didn’t seek my opinion for every-bloody-thing. Why the hell were we so anxious to grow up?

The possible answers are:

  1. We could stay up late and watch TV.
  2. We could have our own rooms.
  3. For people like me, no more Sunday school!

There are several other possible answers. We have all these now but we never thought of how real everything would get and how we would have to learn to live with disappointments, heartaches and all the other crazy stuff that make life what it is. If life had a face I would put it in a booth, just like a kissing booth but instead for slaps. Yes! Step right up and give it the best whack you’ve got.

He had it Coming.

I wanted to be some many things. There was even a time I wanted to be a Power Ranger. Ah, the beautiful innocence of youth. I wanted to be a painter too, like Da Vinci or Michael Angelo but then I found out that they both played for the other team. What a revelation!

It’s the crazy ones that change the world. Well, maybe I never had the right amount of crazy. I wish I had a brain or a secret lab behind my book shelve like Dexter’s, then I could build a time machine, go back in time and…just stay there. Or I could ask my Fairy Odd Parents to make it happen with a wave of their wands. I would love to go back to when Valentine’s Day was just another day. Now, it causes a chain reaction that leaves a giant red stain and an endless stream of broken hearts in its wake. I mean it’s not even a real holiday. I still went to school on the 14th of every bloody February that fell on a school day.

Now, what’s left of our lives lay right in front of us with prospects of regret, bad decisions and a variety of cancers as booby traps. I hope we don’t get stomped by them, I hope we outsmart them. Like Jill Scott I hope we live our lives like they are golden with the past and all its sweet memories reminding us of how simple it can actually be. Maybe, after all, it won’t be so awful. Fingers crossed.

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