Dear Twitter Troll…

Belated thanks to those who “take my inventory” on Twitter.

Meredith Gould
Jul 21, 2017 · 3 min read

With apologies for the delay, please receive my belated thanks for pointing out my flaws. I’m grateful that you’ve posted observations about me to my public timeline. With three notable exceptions, I’m super-duper glad everyone gets to see your contributions to my life.

For one thing, I wish you had resisted every temptation to call me a bitch or a “c,” the latter is a word that even I cannot bring myself to type in its entirety. For another, pointing out how I’m full of shit is horribly hurtful, given my lifelong gastrointestinal issues. Finally, telling me to go fuck myself is a waste of 140 characters. Despite decades of hatha yoga practice, literally fucking myself is impossible. I can, however, shift to gratitude if I contemplate how I might be fucking myself metaphorically.

And so, dear Twitter Troll, for what am I grateful?

I’m grateful for how your swift albeit somewhat gleeful penchant for pointing out my lapses compels me to own what’s lamentable. I admit to sliding into trash talk a bit too quickly. I get angry. I type. I press send without thinking. I’m guilty of ignoring one of my key recommendations for digital activism, viz., noticing whether outrage leads to practical action or keeps us (me!) stuck in outrage. I also manage to forget “restraint of pen and tongue,” one of many wise suggestions for conscious practice from the rooms of 12 Step recovery. In sum, I’m human. Not a bot.

Thanks, too, for pointing out what you perceive as disconnects between what I claim to be and then might do as spiritual seeker. I wonder, though, if you’re confusing spirituality with religion? It’s a longer conversation, but one we won’t have. I blocked you after you called me a “libtard” and invited me to “die in a camp.”

On the off-chance you read this, I’ll note that Christianity, a religion proudly highlighted in your Twitter bio, has always embraced hotheads and trash talkers. Here, I’m thinking specifically about Jesus of Nazareth and also Paul the Apostle — both of whom learned when to put themselves into a much-needed timeout. Scripture for the tradition in which I was raised, Judaism, is jam-packed with “think before you speak” stories that usually feature the Almighty.

As for my spiritual life, well, that’s always a work in progress and nowhere near perfection; one of aspiration rather than achievement. Over time I’ve learned, usually the hard way, that growth requires awareness.

The spiritual challenge is receiving invitations to awareness from unexpected and sometimes unwelcomed sources. Looking at you. But thanks, dear Twitter Troll, for helping me learn, grow, and renounce the shit with which you believe I am filled.


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