I’m Commander Shepard of the Normandy, and I will save Earth. Or, why video games calm me down.

“I’m sorry, but we have to let you go.”

“Unfortunately, that position has been filled.”

“I don’t know how to tell you this, but…”

“Actually, we need to talk.”

No matter the problem, I always seem to end up back here. Why exactly is it that whenever I have a hard day at work or a frustrating life event, video games are my go-to stress reliever? You’d think that the often high-stress environment of an online first person shooter, or a story-driven game where millions of lives are at stake, would stress me out more — not make me feel better.

And yet, when my boyfriend says, “What can I do to make you feel better?,” my first thought is nearly always, “I just want to shoot some aliens.” (Yes, I know I’m missing out on back massages and chocolates — but just hear me out.) Lo and behold, three hours and a bottle of merlot later, I feel sufficiently happier. But why?

It may sound cliché (okay, it totally does), but video games offer an escape. We’ve all heard this before, but it’s never as evident as when we actually need an escape. Sometimes, what you need most (second only to a good glass or four of merlot) is a distraction. When I boot up Mass Effect 3, I’m not Meredith anymore. I’m Commander Shepard of the Normandy, and I will save Earth. When I find a game that engages me to the point that I don’t feel the urge to Alt+Tab out, that’s impressive. Allowing myself to become so immersed in the game and truly care about whether my lover (Garrus, duh) and crew lives or dies — it gives my brain a rest from the troubles of the day and replaces them with a narrative that actually makes me smile, despite the odds.

The friends I’ve made online are awesome. A few years ago I had the absolute pleasure of moderating a Team Fortress 2 community called FirePowered. (They are amazing. Seriously, check them out.) I kind of lucked my way into it — I was a member of another community previously, and when some of the top brass split to form FP I tagged along. Since I was there from the start and gave pretty good(ish) advice, they let me have some power. Anyway, the friends I made there (though I’ve fallen out of touch with many of them) were and are still fantastic. About once a year, five or six people who live near me still get together. And though we don’t talk every day, or really even very often by some standards, I still feel like I could call them if I ever needed support.

Games, especially online games, can force you out of your comfort zone. I totally understand how this can sound like a bad thing. But if you’re like me and going through a rough patch, all you want to do is curl up with a blanket, bottle of wine and Harry Potter. (Which is totally fine, by the way, and if you do this you are my patronus*.) My background though is in communications, and I’ve always felt like a part of what makes a great communicator is being able to function in uncomfortable situations and when you don’t really feel like it. Being a girl playing online games can be hella intimidating — let’s face it, a lot of multiplayer/competitive games don’t have the best reputation for treating all types of players with respect (but that’s a post for another time…maybe). Pushing myself to do something that may make me uncomfortable when gaming (like speaking in team chat) has actually improved my ability to handle other stressful situations.

(Sidenote: My boyfriend playing Street Fighter V in the other room just shouted “Motherfucker turned me ON! Don’t connect to me if your name is Jeb Bush!” *tear* Proud progressive girlfriend moment.)

Shooting bad guys is just plain damn cathartic. I don’t really feel like I need to explain this one. Some people meditate, some people draw or play music — I just shoot bad guys. With stress comes some minor aggression, at least for me. I’d much rather take it out on a few lines of code than my friends, family or significant other. I’m sure they appreciate it too. (Though I’ve been told it’s worth it for me to bitch to them because it’s one of the only times my southern accent comes back. The other time involves copious amounts of whiskey…)

I’m sure there’s a zillion other reasons that I can’t put my finger on right now.

I could keep writing. Instead, I’m going to relieve some stress by killing some Collectors. They don’t stand a chance…

*THANK YOU to redditor Fialar for teaching me that “spirit animal” can be offensive to Native Americans. This was certainly not my intention, so I switched it out Fialar’s better suggestion. :)