Anxiety is Me

As I sit at my desk, wondering what to write about today, I find myself thinking of people affected by the lock down in all sorts of ways. People that are bored, people that might have lost their job. People that are going through financial stress related the instability of the economy and no doubt the worsening of this over the next few months or even years. People that are anxious for various reasons.

These thoughts lead me on a funny path to the root of anxiety. Where does it come from? Why do humans experience anxiety? What is the purpose of a feeling that doesn’t accomplish much, but rather leads into destructive thought patterns and over-thinking? What possible use is there for anxiety as a feeling or emotion.

“Well”, we might say, “anxiety is in most cases caused by the feeling of unpreparedness, a feeling of something that might happen for which we’re not ready to deal with. What if we don’t have enough money to buy food for our children tomorrow? What if we were to lose one of our limbs, making it impossible to perform our normal duties? What if we are suddenly called upon to present a 10000 word lecture on the likelihood of the Kraken emerging from the pacific ocean and devouring half of the population of San Jose?- How will I ever be prepared for any of these events?”

Anxieties of different sorts are often linked to perfectly rational and normal worries such as financial stress. However, we also find the same feeling linked to irrational fears such Krakens, or public speaking or any one of a thousand other scenarios. So, what could possibly be the purpose of such a feeling?

If we were to apply logic, it is possible that this type of feeling was born during the very early years of our development as a species. Suppose you were a male, back in the early days you were expected to hunt — to play your part in feeding your human herd, and to perform the duties of a hunter, you would have to be strong and fit to, not only complete the task at hand, but also keep up with your clan.

In order for a half-dozen men to hunt enough animals, or coordinate the hunt of bigger mammals, in the pursuit of feeding their nursing partners or growing offspring, you would no doubt have to be at the top of your game. Anyone who isn’t, surely will bring down the productivity of the group of hunters; or worse yet, make mistakes and possibly cause the death of a fellow clan member and dear friend. Back in those days, it would seem that rational anxiety about one’s performance level in such a setting seems to be exceptionally useful for the survival of you and the people that surround you. In other words, it seems like the human organism’s lower brain functions created anxiety in order to increase the likelihood of reproduction.

Although it could have been useful at some point during our evolution as a species to have individual anxiety for the good of the many, why does it seem to be more prevalent, and far more widespread in a modern era. Haven’t we gone through enough agricultural- and industrial revolutions to know that there are far less things to worry about these days? We don’t have to work the land to feed our families anymore, we can simply go to the cheapest supermarket and get whatever is needed. We no longer need to craft our own weapons in order to get our hands-on red meat, and we no longer need sleep in alternating shifts to make sure that someone is at least aware of the approaching lion.

Why then, is it still a basic human trait to be anxious?

These days I believe this is not something that helps us survive, but rather a left-over reflex from years prior, that has been exacerbated by our own way of living these days. I believe that, instead of providing a useful way for the division of those who are confident and trust their abilities from those who are unsure and need further mentorship, anxiety (in the everyday, general sense) is an old rag left behind from the past tenants of the house that we now occupy. It is good for nothing, in fact, it just seems to ruin anything we try to wipe it with.

In a world where, at the click of a button on the hand-held super computer we now have in our pockets, you are able to see every single highlight of all the hundreds or even thousands of friends you have — how could you not be anxious? How could you possibly think that your life is enough, or even comes close to any one of these stories and pictures and blog entries that we get constantly bombarded with on an hourly basis.

It’s as if everyone’s desire to share what they have eaten, stokes the hunger of a thousand other people, which in turn also need to share what they have experienced. On and on this wheel of experience and pleasure and excitement goes until everyone feels that everyday life should be filled with bungy-jumping or snow-boarding or which luxury items can be found in your cupboard or how many people you have slept with.

Very few people seem to realize that these posts that you see online is not the norm, but the exception. A person could very easily mistake someone’s picture on the beach for their everyday life, not knowing that the last time that person was anywhere near the coastline was 3 years ago, because they have been too busy to take a day’s leave in all that time. Feeding their children, working 9 hours a day, trying to keep a marriage together, trying to attend church on Sundays — none of these things are posted on social media, which leads the larger part of the human race to minimize their everyday experience. They allow themselves to believe that everyone around them seems to be living the dream, leading them to be more and more anxious that they are not experiencing enough, because “Look what Bill and Joan are up to this weekend!”.

Just like a drug, once you have taken a gram, next time you need 1.5 grams for a good time. The time after that, surely you need 2 grams. You are constantly assaulted with what everybody else did during their short time on earth, and this drives you to consume whatever you can in hopes of keeping up– buying the latest cars and the most expensive shoes, going to the most expensive restaurants and ordering things you cannot afford. All of this so that you can show your fellow people that you’re also experiencing this, that you also have a slice of the pie in your plate!

All of this leads to the feeling of dullness when looking at ordinary existence, leading to irrational anxiety. You might ask yourself, “why does it feel like I don’t lead an interesting life?”, leading into thoughts of inadequacy and anxiety, not realizing that you are literally looking at the absolute highlight reel of someone else’s existence. They are posting the things that made them happy in that moment, and people rarely realize that the feelings encompassed in those posts fade away very quickly to give way to the normal human existence again. This exact existence that fills 95% of our lives, and all our lives.

As I sit at my desk, wondering what to write about today, I find myself thinking of people affected by the lock down in all sorts of ways. People that are bored, people that might have lost their job. People that are going through financial stress related the instability of the economy and no doubt the worsening of this over the next few months or even years. People that are anxious for various reasons.

These thoughts lead me on a funny path to the root of anxiety. Where does it come from? Why do humans experience anxiety? What is the purpose of a feeling that doesn’t accomplish much, but rather leads into destructive thought patterns and over-thinking? What possible use is there for anxiety as a feeling or emotion.

“Well”, we might say, “anxiety is in most cases caused by the feeling of unpreparedness, a feeling of something that might happen for which we’re not ready to deal with. What if we don’t have enough money to buy food for our children tomorrow? What if we were to lose one of our limbs, making it impossible to perform our normal duties? What if we are suddenly called upon to present a 10000 word lecture on the likelihood of the Kraken emerging from the pacific ocean and devouring half of the population of San Jose?- How will I ever be prepared for any of these events?”

Anxieties of different sorts are often linked to perfectly rational and normal worries such as financial stress. However, we also find the same feeling linked to irrational fears such Krakens, or public speaking or any one of a thousand other scenarios. So, what could possibly be the purpose of such a feeling?

If we were to apply logic, it is possible that this type of feeling was born during the very early years of our development as a species. Suppose you were a male, back in the early days you were expected to hunt — to play your part in feeding your human herd, and to perform the duties of a hunter, you would have to be strong and fit to, not only complete the task at hand, but also keep up with your clan.

In order for a half-dozen men to hunt enough animals, or coordinate the hunt of bigger mammals, in the pursuit of feeding their nursing partners or growing offspring, you would no doubt have to be at the top of your game. Anyone who isn’t, surely will bring down the productivity of the group of hunters; or worse yet, make mistakes and possibly cause the death of a fellow clan member and dear friend. Back in those days, it would seem that rational anxiety about one’s performance level in such a setting seems to be exceptionally useful for the survival of you and the people that surround you. In other words, it seems like the human organism’s lower brain functions created anxiety in order to increase the likelihood of reproduction.

Although it could have been useful at some point during our evolution as a species to have individual anxiety for the good of the many, why does it seem to be more prevalent, and far more widespread in a modern era. Haven’t we gone through enough agricultural- and industrial revolutions to know that there are far less things to worry about these days? We don’t have to work the land to feed our families anymore, we can simply go to the cheapest supermarket and get whatever is needed. We no longer need to craft our own weapons in order to get our hands-on red meat, and we no longer need sleep in alternating shifts to make sure that someone is at least aware of the approaching lion.

Why then, is it still a basic human trait to be anxious?

These days I believe this is not something that helps us survive, but rather a left-over reflex from years prior, that has been exacerbated by our own way of living these days. I believe that, instead of providing a useful way for the division of those who are confident and trust their abilities from those who are unsure and need further mentorship, anxiety (in the everyday, general sense) is an old rag left behind from the past tenants of the house that we now occupy. It is good for nothing, in fact, it just seems to ruin anything we try to wipe it with.

In a world where, at the click of a button on the hand-held super computer we now have in our pockets, you are able to see every single highlight of all the hundreds or even thousands of friends you have — how could you not be anxious? How could you possibly think that your life is enough, or even comes close to any one of these stories and pictures and blog entries that we get constantly bombarded with on an hourly basis.

It’s as if everyone’s desire to share what they have eaten, stokes the hunger of a thousand other people, which in turn also need to share what they have experienced. On and on this wheel of experience and pleasure and excitement goes until everyone feels that everyday life should be filled with bungy-jumping or snow-boarding or which luxury items can be found in your cupboard or how many people you have slept with.

Very few people seem to realize that these posts that you see online is not the norm, but the exception. A person could very easily mistake someone’s picture on the beach for their everyday life, not knowing that the last time that person was anywhere near the coastline was 3 years ago, because they have been too busy to take a day’s leave in all that time. Feeding their children, working 9 hours a day, trying to keep a marriage together, trying to attend church on Sundays — none of these things are posted on social media, which leads the larger part of the human race to minimize their everyday experience. They allow themselves to believe that everyone around them seems to be living the dream, leading them to be more and more anxious that they are not experiencing enough, because “Look what Bill and Joan are up to this weekend!”.

Just like a drug, once you have taken a gram, next time you need 1.5 grams for a good time. The time after that, surely you need 2 grams. You are constantly assaulted with what everybody else did during their short time on earth, and this drives you to consume whatever you can in hopes of keeping up– buying the latest cars and the most expensive shoes, going to the most expensive restaurants and ordering things you cannot afford. All of this so that you can show your fellow people that you’re also experiencing this, that you also have a slice of the pie in your plate!

All of this leads to the feeling of dullness when looking at ordinary existence, leading to irrational anxiety. You might ask yourself, “why does it feel like I don’t lead an interesting life?”, leading into thoughts of inadequacy and anxiety, not realizing that you are literally looking at the absolute highlight reel of someone else’s existence. They are posting the things that made them happy in that moment, and people rarely realize that the feelings encompassed in those posts fade away very quickly to give way to the normal human existence again. This exact existence that fills 95% of our lives, and all our lives.