“I’ve been thinking lately.”


“A lot of things. And very few things. Does that make sense?”

“It does to me.”

She smiles.

“I thought it might.”

I wonder if this is what we’re looking for, understanding.

It’s our first time out alone. I knew her friends, she knew mine. Every now and then we’d bump into each other and exchange small talk.

Hows your day? Hows work? What have you been up to? Anything new?

We spoke, but never really said anything.

Still, I was drawn to her.

I knew she had more to say.

With some people you…

“You don’t know what love is.”


The waiter comes to take our plates. Silence. The type reserved for when you don’t want the waiter to hear what you’re talking about and judge you.

We thank him for clearing up the table.

My friend orders “the usual” for dessert.

It’s always the same.

The same place, meal, drink, dessert, booth, experience.

He’s a regular here.

I used to be.

As soon as the waiter leaves, he goes back at it.

“True love dude. Loving that one perfect person. You don’t know it. I wish I could explain it, but I…

It is estimated that the Earth is 4.6 billion years old.

When I was born, there were 5.3 billion people on the planet.

Today, there are over 7 billion in it.

The Earth’s surface area is 510 million sq km.

In that space, there are 196 countries.

In those countries, there is an estimated 50,000 cities.

The world is a very old, large, and well-populated place.

And yet, your parents are your parents. This may seem insignificant at first glance, but think about it. It’s all a game of chance. …

For the past few years I’ve felt a lot of Nothing, so I’ve started looking for Everything.

I’m looking for happiness.

I’m looking for love.

Looking for money, purpose, peace.

Looking for God, Myself.


I don’t remember looking for so much as a child. Back then it felt like Everything was already there. Maybe Everything was. Or maybe I was too busy living to worry about looking for the answer.

Maybe that is the answer.

I “do” so much more things now that I’m older, but most nights after I get into bed I feel an emptiness fill me.

The last year has been pretty difficult for me.

Growing up I always had this naive idea that by the time I was 24 I would have my life sorted out. I would be successful and happy. I would have the most fulfilling job, I’d have traveled all over the world, I’d be in an amazing relationship, and I’d be an inspiration to my family, friends, and all those around me. I’d be all that everyone wants to be. I’d be a hero.

Of course, life doesn't work out the way you imagine it to.

I am 24 years old…

Years ago, after being put in bed to sleep, a child stared up at the glowing stars on the ceiling of the room. There would be no sleep for the child. His brain was too busy imagining all the possibilities the world had to offer. She could not keep track of her thoughts; she would think of the absolute perfect scenario only for her mind to wander off to a better place moments later.

“I want to be a black belt pilot cook.”

“I’ll be the first mermaid writer president ever.”

Wishes were made to stars on ceilings, stars made…

Omar Merza

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