Fake Ass Feminist: Yes, That’s Me.

Yes that’s me.

Maybe “fake” is extreme, but just the other day I realized when my feminist switch turned off, and I slowly began morphing into this weak insecure girl at the cost of a man.

On a regular day, I am strong-willed, and very attentive to my needs. I always make sure that I COME first in reference to the men that enter my ‘dating door.’

I’m not sure if I’ve been forced to practice these qualities of ‘self love’ because I haven’t met a man that I was genuinely interested in to distract me; nonetheless after learning my lesson the hard way, I vowed to never go out of my way for the opposite sex.

1. Never will I ever make life convenient for him, if he hasn’t willingly done the same for me.

2. His standards of beauty don’t define me.

3. I will always be confident in myself.

4. I am secure.

5. I am worth it.

Those are the ideas that I beat into my brain. These practices allowed me to regain some sort of self-respect.

This energy radiated within me. I wouldn’t allow men to win me over without putting in the effort I deemed necessary.

Most of them didn’t try hard enough, therefore the relationship didn’t go far. This helped me weed out the unworthy.

I was dodging bullets.

I was in control of ME.

Now….I find myself second guessing the truancy of the strength I once possessed.

I was recently reunited with someone from my past. He’s great-looking, tall, employed, and a gentleman, however, he hasn’t gone out of his way to show me that I’m an angel that fell down from the gates of heaven…and that’s a problem.

As crazy as that might sound, that’s how everyone should feel about themselves…

You are a prized possession from the most high, Mother Earth, or whatever the hell you believe in.

But you are IT.

He isn’t treating me like Tuesdays trash, but I haven’t received the Princess Leah treatment I know I deserve either.

Surprisingly I am still very interested in the man that has yet to sweep me off of my feet.

Why?

(I am still trying to figure it out myself…)

I’ve already caught myself slipping through the cracks of submission.

My insecurities are back…

Constantly wondering if I look good enough.

Worrying about whether my schedule fits his.

Waiting for his call.

Staying longer when I know I have things of my own to do!

What happened to the STRONG, ‘I won’t do shit for a man that hasn’t done anything for me’ Feminist ?

Where did she go?

Can she find a balance between vulnerability and strength?

Fake Ass Feminist…I am she.

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