North Korea Wants to be a Sports Powerhouse

…And frogs want wings so they don’t bump their asses every time they hop, but, it’s never going to happen.

Do you want to win more sporting events? Of course, we all do; and so does North Korea’s leader, Kim Jong Un. According to Sports in the DPR Korea, while touring the Pyongyang Sports Apparatus Factory, the Supreme Commander said that the officials and workers at the factory should: “…make devoted efforts out of patriotism and with the pride of working at the important post for translating into reality the Party’s plan for building a sports power.”

What sort of sports equipment do the workers in this factory make? Your guess is as good as anybody’s. North Korea is so secretive that the workers probably don’t even know what they’re making. Just for fun I’m going to guess that they’re making balance beams and shuttlecocks.

Kim Jong Un also allegedly said that he expects the factory will “…successfully fulfill the honorable duty to put the country on the status of sports power at an early date.”

Holy macaroni. That’s some heavy pressure to put onto a bunch of unskilled laborers — it’s like telling your five-year-old child that you’re going to have him or her assassinated if they drop another easy pop fly.

North Korea won seven medals during the 2016 Olympics, two of which were gold in color.

The North Korean government made a mistake and accidentally let the rest of the world explore the country’s 28 fantastic websites, and that’s how I was able to bring you this world-rocking information. Somebody is going to be in big trouble for that blunder.

Originally published at on October 1, 2016.