How to be more confident

“Emotion is Motion!”

“EMOTION IS… MOTION”

It’s 8 hours into a Tony Robbins seminar and we have yet to see Tony.

My ass and my back hurt. Finally the 6'7 giant makes it to the stage.

The previous hours of pushy, overly confident speakers, trying to sell us on their academies and training's are over.

Robert Herjavec and a Gary Vaynerchuk hologram were the only reason I have not walked out up to that point.

Finally, Tony comes out and proceeds to set the place on fire. He had a rave party going. 7,000 people out of their seats, on shoulders, jumping on their chairs for a good minute with music blaring. We were getting a lesson on confidence, body language, and emotion.

A funny thing he taught us, about the way we approach people, whether it’s in a business setting, among friends, or people we are only meeting for the first time.

“Emotion is Motion” — Tony Robbins

The way we feel at the exact moment that we engage in conversation with another human will determine how they see us. It will determine the mood of the room. It will determine whether the person we just met will even like us.

Motion changes our physiology, which in turn, changes our emotion.

I have previously written an article on body language based on a popular TedTalk by Amy Cuddy and have experienced for myself how simply ACTING more confident actually makes us more confident. How changing your body posture actually changes your brain to feel different.

Closed in, arms crossed, holding your neck, speaking quietly, shaking a hand softly all show one thing. Lack of confidence. This may be how you feel in a place that is out of your comfort zone or in an environment that you feel inadequate in, but your body language only reaffirms how you feel.

The cool part… you can change that. Even if you do not FEEL confident, you can ACT confident and change your brain to FEEL confident.

At the seminar, we got to experiment this with thousands of random people.

FIRST EXPERIMENT:

Here Tony tells us ( in his obnoxiously loud voice ), to introduce ourselves to people next to us we do not know but we have to act like we are super intimidated by them.

Body language was identical across the room. People were quiet, avoided eye contact, shook hands softly.

SECOND EXPERIMENT:

Now, we were to introduce ourselves as if we are annoyed to see the person.

People spoke abruptly, shook hands quickly, and avoided eye contact. It was awkward and uncomfortable, even as an experiment. (Remember, we’re actually introducing ourselves to random people).

THIRD EXPERIMENT:

Here Tony tells us that we are to introduce ourselves to people in a way that if they decide they do not like us in the first couple of seconds, our families get murdered!

I think I cracked a lady’s knuckles with my handshake and just about went flying over a chair, chasing a guy down to introduce myself.

I’m starting to see a pattern. It really is interesting to see how confident you BECOME, even in a “fake” example.

FINAL EXPERIMENT:

In the final experiment, we were to engage in conversation ( still with random people ) as if they were a long lost friend or family member that we have not seen in years.

It gets pretty weird when complete strangers are laughing and hugging as if they have known each other all their life. But it works.

It really is just a simple mental shift. It comes down to motion, the way you carry yourself, the way you change your body language, raise your voice, make eye contact and be more physical with your handshakes or hugs, you truly feel a change in your confidence.

The next time you are feeling anxious about a meeting, a social gathering, a first date, or whatever it is that causes you to lack in confidence, remember that emotion is motion. Move! Be conscious of the way you carry yourself and BECOME confident.

There is a better way to live! :)

Thank you for reading! I also write and speak in hopes of inspiring folks to seek and find the most out of this short life (HERE) :)