Stop Shaming Male Virgins. Why it Matters for Asexual Men.

How entwined must sex be with masculinity that if a man never has sex he is shamed?

There is a social expectation that everyone, but especially men, should not only desire to have sex, but have copious amounts of sex. And it is nothing new. Sexual desire was established as a natural human quality, especially for men, via nineteenth century Victorian medical discourses of sexology. With this normalized sexual expectation came the conditioning and internalization of a notion that if a man does not have sexual intercourse or desire sex, the latter of which is barely, if at all, comprehensible, then he is defective or “less of a man.”

These legacies endure today. If you are to briefly consider what a male virgin symbolizes to society, some initial thoughts that may emerge are of a man who is pathetically lonely, an unkempt “loser,” or a basement dweller living with his parents, all of which are meant to carry negative connotations. What do popular media depictions of male virgins like The 40-Year-Old Virgin or, much timelier, a Vine mocking the status of being an “adult virgin,” inform us of a much larger social perception? To be an “adult virgin” is positioned never as an aspiration, and is surely never a figure who any man should ever strive to be.