A letter to the boy I never loved.

I didn’t notice you at first until you started hanging around the same people as me. The night you played that show at the bar I was instantly attracted to you. I was gonna make you mine. I just knew it. As soon as we started talking we just clicked. I knew it and you knew it. I had never felt the way I did about you for anyone ever. I was really crazy about you.

Things progressed as they did and eventually I ended it. I didn’t want to but I was realistic. You pulled me along the whole time, indecisive, you couldn’t commit to a relationship. I ended it and I hated you for a while. I said some things, I acted immaturely, and I regret it. But it really was for the best.

I thought I was over you.

But I was so wrong. You messaged me out of the blue and you should have seen me light up. It was like the first time all over again. Giddy like I was back in high school. But this time I’m in love, but with someone else.

Holy hell do I wish I could find out how our story could have ended. I feel like you’re one of the ones that got away. But I don’t think I’ll ever know. I think you wonder too. I can tell by the way you hug me goodbye. Like you regret it too. I want to remember how it felt to awkwardly hold your hand. I want to kiss you and see if that spark is still there.

But I’m in love with someone else now.

And it pains me that I’ll never know our ending. But you haven’t changed since I last saw you 4 years ago so what’s to say you’d be consistent this time? I can’t leave what I already have just to find out. I’d never get him back and I can’t afford to lose him. I hope you understand.

To the boy I never loved, I’ll always hold a place in my heart for you.