In society today we are constantly preaching about self love. It’s every where. Unavoidable. When my 13 year old cousin started talking to me about her concerns of her own weight and appearance my heart started breaking. How can someone so young already be so influenced by others opinions and society’s image of perfection?

I told her that it’s important to remember that it is her body for life and to treat it with respect and love always. Not to give people the power to make you feel less than you are. I want her to grow up to be a strong, powerful, confident woman.

I want her to be everything I am not.

Around my cousins age I was teased about my weight. Unhealthy thoughts have haunted me since then, told me I wasn’t good enough. This was the spark and insecurity was the oxygen.

Eventually I started calorie counting. I was never a fan of numbers and when calories were the factor it was damn terrifying. I’d make sure I only ate a minimal amount and burn the calories off by the end of the day. I kept a journal to keep me on track. And in this time I remember being happy. To this day, when I eat less or have an empty feeling in my stomach I feel good about it. I’ll still skip breakfast every once in a while because I like feeling empty.

I do not respect myself like I should. Yes, I eat normally now but I’m not and don’t believe I’ll ever be happy with myself. Put me in front of the mirror, and like so many others, I’ll find 10 things about myself that I wish were different.

Self love is a constant struggle for me. I believe that I’ve been forever tainted by this unrealistic image of what I feel I need to be. I don’t think body positivity is something that will be achieved in Generation Y no matter how hard we try. It starts with the next generation.

So even though when I look at myself in the mirror picking apart every part of me, I’ll still encourage my little cousin to love herself. Remind her that she’s beautiful just how she is.

Even if that makes me a hypocrite.