If Only Life Were Like TV

Annoying people…

Would simply disappear, no questions asked, no explanation needed. Like Mandy in The West Wing.

Nope, never had anyone here by that name. Image: News Limited

No matter how dire things became…

You’d face them in a divine outfit, with the perfect little handbag. Like Claire Underwood in House of Cards.

God I look good in this reflection. Image: Netflix

You could hang out with friends all day…

Yet not lose your job and also afford a large apartment in an expensive city. Like everyone on Friends.

Could this promotional image BE any more lame? Image: NBC

It wouldn’t matter how much bureaucratic bullshit you had to deal with…

Because you’d have a fully stocked bar to ease the pain, right there in your office. Like Don Draper in Mad Men.

Time for my breakfast martini. Source: AMC

If life got boring and you needed to shake things up…

You could just jump ahead 5 years. Like Wisteria Lane on Desperate Housewives.

Does that mean we need 5 years worth of Botox? Image: ABC

Should you find yourself in a bit of a pickle with a psychotic drug kingpin…

You could outsmart said kingpin with some clever chemistry — like Walter White in Breaking Bad.

And while I’m at it, let’s science up those anti-vaxxers and homeopaths. Image: AMC

And if you made a really really colossal mistake from which there was absolutely no way out…

You could simply decide it was all a dream, like the writers of Dallas.

Who shot JR? More importantly, who the hell did Bobby’s hair? Image: CBS

Originally published at micheleconnolly.com on July 3, 2015.

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