When Expectations Disappoint
Expectation: 1)regard something to happen. 2)Regard someone to do or to be something.
I have had disappointments.
I have had pain and it was my fault. Why? Because of the expectations that I had not only of and from someone, not only of and from something, but of and from myself.
I’m gonna be #Transparent.
I have an expectation of where I should be at this point of my life. Things I “should have” done, places I “should have” been, people I “should have” met, achievements I “should” have hanging on the wall.
But I have been starting over again, again, again, again. Why? Because I have failed. Why have I failed? Because of what I did not do. I wanted results…..but did not put in the work. In my mind I saw the excellence of an outcome that work and sacrifice brings. In my mind I saw what could be if only, but was dealing with the hard reality of what did not happen……because of.
The fact is I did get results. I got the results that not putting in the work gets. But in my mind, I was suppose to get the results that putting in the work would bring. I was lying to myself and then had the audacity to be upset when the pain of disappointment came.
Expectations of others is one thing, expectations of myself is another. I once had someone love me enough to sit me down and tell me the following thing.
“Michele the problem with you is, you have expectations of folks and you want them to do things THE WAY YOU want them to do things, and you want them to be THE WAY YOU want them to be. And you want them to bring the results THAT YOU want them to bring which is the results that YOU want to see. But what you fail to realize is that everyone is not YOU……and they’re giving you THEM, and when you attach conditions like “should”, “supposed to”……… and you don’t get your desired results, you go through the pain of disappointment. What you fail to realize is they are THEM making their decisions for them, they are not YOU making your decisions for you. So you are literally setting yourself up…….to feel the pain….. of disappointment…….. because of false…….. expectations. Now who’s fault is that?”.
Well damn! He had me feeling some type of way, I had to sit down in a corner and marinate on that one for a good couple of moments.
As I reflect back I see how I failed myself and then had the audacity to say “others failed me”.
I cannot give what I do not have. You cannot give what you do not have and what you do have, and you choose to give, if that does not work for me, it does not mean that you have failed, it simply means, what you have to give is not for me. It’s not a failure, it’s an awakening to know what’s not working……. for me.
The most dangerous thing that I can do is to push myself on someone or in a situation simply because I can’t accept the outcome is not how I desire for it to be.
The pain of disappointment that is attached to false expectation……..lives in the WANT.
I am finally taking my eyes off of other peoples plate, focusing on my own plate and desiring to have expectations from myself……of myself…….and for myself.