Living Without Alcohol — Year 3

I didn’t mean for it to happen. I didn’t mean to stop drinking completely nor did I mean for it to get this far. When things I always wanted started falling into my lap by month three, I didn’t want to go back to my old ways.

Doesn’t mean I don’t think about drinking every day, or try to recreate the truth and romanticism that inebriation creates through memory. I never drank alone nor at home because it was never fun for me. I loved going to a bar. The romanticism of being in a dark place, the taste of a dry red or the first burn of a bourbon, smoking cigarettes, listening to music, and talking to a stranger who I may go home with or who I may just talk to all night. Or nights me and the girls felt invincible, stayed up all night dancing, teasing boys, sleeping till noon then meeting up at 4pm to do it all over again. THAT’S what I think about. THAT’s what I miss. But these days:

  1. I go to bars and order mocktails and get attitude from bartenders. BUT,
  2. I haven’t woken up with a hangover in 1095 days. AND,
  3. I still stay up late to read, to watch TV, to listen to music, to write, to bake, to look at the stars, to make up for lost nights I can’t remember, to spend time with friends, to dance, to kiss boys. EVEN THOUGH,
  4. I like to get up early every morning to write, to listen to music, to enjoy the morning, to see if the moon is still out, to call friends, or simply enjoy a cup of coffee and the sunrise. THEN,
  5. I work hard and a lot at my kick ass job that provides me with kick ass experiences. RESULTING IN,
  6. Being spontaneous and seeking adventure and travel and enjoyment constantly. AND,
  7. I make the effort to spend time with the people I want to connect with. EVEN THOUGH,
  8. I find out some of those people aren’t deserving of that time, one went as far as to break my heart with that time. BUT,
  9. I remain open, try new friends, new places, new food. BECAUSE,
  10. I feel things so much more intensely and vulnerably. AND,
  11. I can only be grateful for eveything that happens to me, because every moment in life is a gift. AND,
  12. I don’t believe in living my life with excuses, insecurity, or fear. AND,
  13. I don’t ever want to wonder what if. AND,
  14. I want to tell people what I think and kiss them if I want to, make love to them if I want to. BECAUSE,
  15. I might not get another chance. THEREFORE,
  16. I won’t give up on sobriety because it’s shown me a life that’s happy at times, hard at others, but always good and full of experience. AND,
  17. I feel better and have more confidence than I’ve ever felt or had in my entire life. AND,
  18. It’s literally the best thing that I have ever, EVER done for myself.