Polling Place Problems on a Thursday Morning

I voted today, this Thursday. For whatever strange reason, my polling place was closed. So I had to break my way into this community center’s bingo hall. I was flipping over tables looking for a voting booth. Throwing bingo cards and bingo balls all over the space. Turning that whole place upside down. Nothing. Not a goddamn sign of anyone in sight to help me. Hello?!!!? I’m here to be anupstanding citizen! Sorry if the voter turnout is low and it’s only a local election, but it is still my right to vote on election day as an American, and yes folks, it’s still my right as a liberal-leaning young Democrat (SORRY to ruffle some feathers but yeah…I went there).

A frightened older man walked into the room wondering what I was doing. He said he was going to call the police on me. Ok…what the fuck? I’m here to participate in our democracy, dude. It’s called Washington DC. He mumbled some shit about the election being on Tuesday, not Thursday. Excuses, excuses. These volunteers at the polls are only in it for the perks, I swear to Hell. They crave the spotlight, notoriety and the wielding power of passing out stickers. I told this bastard I wasn’t leaving until I was given my due as a citizen. He sat me down at an old Windows computer and opened up Microsoft Word 2004. He told me to type out my answers, and he would personally put in a good word for me and my ballot with the big man upstairs. Well, you got yourself a deal old man. I was sold. My own personal voting computer? It was beautiful. This is what voting in first class of a plane must be like. He found a sticker leftover in the trash bin and handed it over to me and rushed me out. I heard sirens in the distance. Someone must’ve called the police on this community center for not being open for voters here on a Thursday, of all days, at 5:45am. Jeez Louise. Don’t forget to vote! And especially don’t let the system screw you out of voting! I don’t care where you live, get out and vote TODAY on this beautiful Thursday.

— voting in Los Angeles, California.

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