One of the things I do not like about being a mental health speaker at live events where the focus is on stigma is a hypocrisy that i have observed:
During the event attendees are loud and eager to fight the stigma surrounding mental health.
When they leave the event and go into the parking lot, I’ve actually heard people say, “Shhhhh…we can’t talk about that anymore.”
I decided to try an experiment: I spent an entire year introducing myself as “mentally ill” to every single person I met…just to see what would happen.
IMPORTANT NOTE: I don’t like or use the term “mentally ill” because I believe that it’s stigmatizing. In the case, however, I chose to use it to experiment with responses from strangers.
Regardless of where I was (fundraiser, networking function, performance, airport, bar, etc.), I would meet someone and say, “Hi. My name is Mike. I’m mentally ill.”
In all honesty, I was surprised at the responses that I got from people. Here’s what happened:
- Not a single person ran from me.
- Some people hugged me.
- Some people started crying.
- Some people said, “Thank you for sharing that.”
- I actually got hired for more work as a professional drummer and corporate drumming workshop facilitator.
- I got hit on by more women that I ever had in my life!
As I reflected on these responses, I realized why they were so positive. People weren’t focused on the fact that I said I was “mentally ill”. They were focused on the fact that I was comfortable with myself.
I am okay with me. I’m comfortable with me.☺
In fact, I feel that my mental health issues make me sexy!
For many years prior, I wasn’t okay with it. “You can’t tell anybody about that,” my parents would say to me when I was younger. “If you tell anybody about this, they would never hire you, Mike.”
Mental health advocates are constantly fighting for legislation. In my opinion, the main reason that we are in a contant struggle with mental health legislation is because we are not keeping this subject in the conversation. If you keep bringing up a topic in everyday conversation, it will eventually get legislation.
For example, take the subject of same sex marriage here in the United States of America. Whether you support it or whether you’re against it doesn’t matter. It’s getting legislation, because people keep it in the conversation.
Take a look at the picture above. What do you see?
- Do you see a bald man?
- Do you see a bald African American man?
- Do you see a bald African American man in a suit?
You might see any of those things or something different.
For now, let’s say that you see a bald African American man in a suit. It’s okay to call me African American in 2014. Thirty years ago, there were different words you could use to describe someone of my race that would probably be considered in appropriate today (which I shall not use in this article).
In fact, the whole issue of race in our country did not start with “We need to find appropriate labels.” It started with a conversation.
When you seek change, start a conversation. The conversation inspired education. Education empowers legislation. — Mike Veny
CONFESSION: I have a fear of elevators and I struggle with anxiety.
One day, I found myself in a small elevator in New York City. It was old and made funny sounds. As the doors opened on each floor, passengers would have to step down or up because this elevator stopped a few inches above and below each floor.
A woman gets on the elevator, smiles at me, and says “Hello”. I greeted her in return.
To make conversation on this elevator ride that seemed to take forever, I said to her, “Yo, this building is shady.” She responded with “Yeah…I know. I work here.”
Attempting to recover from the reality that I just may have insulted her workplace, I asked her, “What kind of work do you do?”. She then said, “I’m a therapist.”
I then responded with, “Oh…I’m mentally ill. Can I have your card?”
SHE HAS BEEN MY THERAPIST EVER SINCE
