The Neverlands

What I’m trying to say… Never have i been that clean. Nothing Mike Jack smooth about me. I’m a self-servant, reflection-observing, love yearnin’, soul serpent, mood of a mess. Play it just right and in the box to the left my insecurities go. Gotta be patient tho, i have a lot of em so it’ll take some time. One trip ain’t enough. It takes more than two to unpack this lack of ease and my heart feels full. Can’t tell you with honesty i like all of me. I got a few examples. Exhibit A: i wanna walk in the rain with you lookin all cute like we one and shit. But my stride ain’t the same, it’s offbeat. Like my feet tryna show you my heart by imitating it in the same way. Step to a name of love thank God above my voice ain’t all ~that~ weak. If we being real, it’s real deep. That’s why if you noticed you’d hear it crack to a shriek every time you ask for a peak at my “beautiful” face when you catch me off screen. Third time’s a charm and three’s a crowd. So this next time around leave the compliments out, cuz I’m shy and I’m flattered. Not to say I’ve never felt like i mattered, but my pride gon come out and the appreciation gon get lost in the deflective chatter. See, it’s a laundry list to this shit and it holds back the whole me. With a truth like mine it would hurt to be set free. It’s the vulnerability i lack, which makes sense thinking about it from a step back. Shooting my shot like a wish on a star looking up and being faced with the past. Not seeing enough keeps it from being enough, because what i don’t know can’t hurt me. Won’t wave the white flag at half-mast because this pitch black don’t desert me. Being in the dark don’t deserve me… i just wish i could convince myself of that. Truth is, I’m the biggest fan of that played-out corny romantic shit. Like really, really. All my favorite movies showcase the emotion of a first kiss, and i know if i talked like this it’d get lost on my lips. To all the girls I’ve loved, before sunset, know that a conversation was really all I’ve ever needed to get all this shit off my chest. A broken romantic, i can attest. Maybe my love belongs in movies. Locked away from my reality, screening me from what my heart and mind want. Forcing me to wander out of step until I’m out of breath and fumbling for the words of appreciation at the doorstep of my best. One life to live and i want that fairytale shit. Something deep like I’m falling forever. On that neverland shit. You asked for the truth, what can i say?