Terror Pitch

Speed up the game we love and put terrorists around the world on notice??? Ah yes, check please.

Major League Baseball debuted it’s newest game-changing rule change this season. Remember when pitchers would pick up a single baseball, and make a baseball style pitch to the batter? Ugh, talk about yawn alert, right.

Now, thanks to an exclusive partnership with the armed forces, service members will launch five baseballs, at once! Pitcher, pitcher, now there’s a lot of them. Sign me up!!! Not only will this whittle down those long, unwieldy games to 15 minutes, the holy grail of attention spans, it’s about to put those terrorists on blast. Because if America is willing to deflower its virginal bride of a national pastime, then what isn’t it willing to do to root out those who would threaten its interests at home and abroad???

Sorry, Jack Bauer, baseball’s got this one.

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