5 Steps to Figure Out What to DO with Your Life — Eliminate Insecurities (step 1&2)
This is Part 1 of a Series of 3 articles.
Doctors forecasted that I will die at birth along with my mom due to a condition she had. Since then I’ve been 1 inch close to death 2 other times and I always wondered why did I get a second and third chance… and as you imagine, my “mid-life crisis” came a lot earlier — at 19!
I remember like it was yesterday. I got fired from my first ever job after only a month working in London based firm. There and then, I decided to create the perfect revenge for my employer and for myself. It’s not a bomb as you might think but, an incredible new way to help people clarify what to do with their lives.
“I’ve never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the person in question finally getting tired of their own bullshit” — Elizabeth Gilbert
But it didn’t happen instantly.
Since I’ve been fired, I’ve worked in all types of jobs and companies from being a waiter in small restaurants to having a “decent” but boring job in an office, and now — I’m managing the creation of online learning for 90,000+ people in the biggest bank in the world - at only 24 years of age.
And I did it! After what seemed to be a lifetime I found that my calling, my mission: to help others make the most of their time here on earth while and figure out what to do with THEIR life. I’ve started coaching other people 1 to 1 and donated all the money to charities.
The irony is that after all this struggle I found my business partner Steve Miller, a Canadian career guru with more than 30 years of experience and a career planning workshop that’s used even by the Canadian Government.
What you see here is a combination of the secrets from that programme plus my experiences gathered after going through 5 years of pain to figure out my life and find my purpose — so that you can find yours!
ALL you need is a pen and paper on a notebook 📝📝📝! So, grab them and only then continue to read.
Ready?
Step 1: Set yourself up for success
First, I want you to focus on the goal that you aim to achieve as a result of reading this. By having that goal fixated in your mind while reading this article will direct your thoughts towards gathering the answers you’re looking for
SO, for the first exercise: fill in the blanks
My name is_______ and by the end of this article I want to_________. This will make me (feel; be; do)________ and _______ because ____________(give a reason: i.e. I will have more clarity, motivation, commitment, etc).
Be very specific and put all your thoughts on your paper. What does the perfect goal look like? And what you think at this point you need to do to achieve it?
Step 2: Uncover you conscious and unconscious fears
The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt
98% of people cannot find their purpose and we believe that’s because of one reason — we all have fears and insecurities that keep us, consciously or unconsciously, stuck. Stories or events that happened in that past which shifted our behaviour unreasonably and which we forgot after a while.
Many people these days came up with ways in which they can find their purpose, but many fail so miserably because they don’t consider one thing: each of us has fears, fears that keep us stuck, whether we’re aware of it or not.
I’ll give you a quick example.
Let’s say that one night you’re coming back from an event, or a club and your street is so dark you can’t see anything.
Now…let’s assume that you’re a bit tipsy, your phone is off and you just realised you dropped your keys on the ground.
You start searching for them on the ground.
You look left and right, but because everything around is dark and you’re a bit scared, you have a brilliant idea!
Further away you’ve seen a street light and since everything around you is pitch black and stops your from looking around, you decide to go looking for your keys about 20 meters away, under that streetlight — because that’s where you can actually see the street.
In other words, you leave the place where you lost your keys and start looking 20 meters away under that street light where you feel comfortable, where you feel secure and where it seems to be easier to see.
However, you’re looking into the wrong spot!
Can you see where I’m going?
The reason why so most of the people cannot clarify what to with their life is that everyone has stories, insecurities in their conscious and subconscious mind that makes it impossible for them to find their “keys”.
We get used to what’s comfortable rather than trying to spark some light over our street of insecurities.
Everyone has some fears and insecurities whether we like to accept it or not. And some of them are so deep within us that we don’t even see them.
The secret strategy: understand the notion of PAYOFF
This is a simple tool that was initially created for NASA by Will Schutz. You can use it at any time to get rid of your insecurities or beliefs.
If there’s one take aware that I want you to get from this article is this tool!
The tool is based on the premise that we always take decisions to get a payoff, a result or a benefit.
For instance, you consciously decide not to cross the street while there’s loads of traffic so that you won’t get hit by a car — that’s the payoff or the benefit.
However, our brain is more than 50 million years old, so we end up taking some decisions unconsciously because we’re programmed this way either by our genes or by our experiences.
Cats, for instance, fear cucumbers because they have embedded in their brain the fear of snakes. It’s the most hilarious thing you’ll watch today.
Sometimes we decide to take decisions unconsciously because we don’t want to deal with some thoughts, the same way cats are afraid of the thought of having to deal with snakes!
Example 1
For instance, we can decide consciously one night we are too tired to go out with our friends. The conscious payoff is that we can sit down and watch Netflix.
However, the unconscious payoff is that we don’t have to deal with the rejection or awkwardness if we don’t feel welcomed in a group of strangers group or we don’t have to deal with the thought that we’re single and EVERYWHERE we look we see happy couples. That’s just a silly example, but you get the points.
You don’t want to deal with that thought consciously, so unconsciously you decide you are “too tired”.
Example 2
If you choose to work in sales or recruitment, at the surface you could tell yourself: “this is a good job for me, it pays really well so you can make a lot of money, and plus you have a career path now”.
However, at the deeper level maybe you didn’t have any idea of a career path. It all seemed too much to deal with so to avoid this fear you chose this job as it gave you a title, people looked up to you and you were “all set”. That’s the payoff that you got at the unconscious level.
We have compiled a list of pay-offs that people make up unconsciously and which keep them stuck in the same place. We want to share them with you so the next time you hear yourself bringing them up you can become aware of them and avoid falling into your own traps. Don’t worry about them now, you’ll be able to access them all at the end of this article.
Your turn now!
- Think about a similar decision (non-career related).
Decision: ____________________________________
What was the conscious payoff that you got at that time?:
________________________________________________________
What could be the unconscious payoff that you were looking to achieve?
________________________________________________________
2. List down 3 of your deepest fears and insecurities — at least those that you are aware of. Something that you wouldn’t share with your closest friend or family — something regarding your ability to figure out what to do with your life.
Give yourself a couple of minutes.
Fear 1 ___________________________________________
Fear 2 ___________________________________________
Fear 3 ___________________________________________
Now that you wrote them down think about the payoff. What was the conscious pay off? How about the unconscious payoff?
Can you change unconscious payoff into one that empowers you instead of creating more fear?
i.e.: “it’s too late now” can become “I haven’t found anything important, so maybe it’s time to start looking more”.
What’s next?
- 50 Self-Coaching questions to help you figure out and clarify what to do with your life
- A breakdown of the full Career Planning Strategy (see Step 5)
- E-book with checklists for EVERYTHING in this programme: Step 1 to 5
- The list of decision and payoffs that most people use to unconsciously get stuck
- Advice from fulfilled (and successful) people about building a meaningful career
- FREE 5 minute per day course to help you figure out what to do with your life jam-packed with strategies and exercises to discover, design and achieve your career goals (to be released in less than a month)
- Other secret goodies that we’ve gathered for our readers
But please don’t share it with others as this is just for our close readers.
2. Join our closed community on Facebook
This is a community of young people where you can inspire others, get advice about what’s going on around you and simply lift each other up so we can grow collectively in your lives, business and careers 🙋♂️🙋♀️ You will also get involved in the creation of the Millennial Hero programme.
3. Continue reading the Steps 3-5 of this programme: Step 3 here and Step 4&5 here
