Disillusionment in Love
It has been a while since I wrote a blog but New Year calls for a new blog! It’s only 6 days into New Year but I am absorbing so much knowledge. As I am finding myself becoming aware of my energy, signs, and collective energies, I pay attention very carefully to them, which inspires me to write this blog.
There were a lot of negative talk about how God-awful 2016 was but today I reflect on it, I am grateful for 2016 because it shows me how precious my life is. It was a year of purging out my emotional baggage, negative attachments, detachments, and disillusionment.
Although, disillusionment will continue this year but 2016 was a wake up call to my broken record of needing a deep and lasting connection in Love. It also snapped me out of make up relationships. It caused a lot of grief based on my false assumptions and fairy-tale relationship I created in my MIND.
All for Love! There was a lovable and blunt Medium who I will call “Fairy GodMother.” She told me I was in DENIAL. I did not understand what she meant by that. It took me few months to figure out what she meant by that.
“You are so, so special! You deserve so much more!” said Fairy GodMother. Believe it or not, I was confused. “But I already know I am special. What are you talking about?”
Now, I can see why and I don’t blame her when she rolled her eyes and told me that I was in unbelievable denial. I was living in illusion world I created in my mind.
Not just I created a fairy tale world, I also romanticized the people who’ve hurt me. Funny, I did not comprehend it back, then until recently, I saw this meme:
It literally shifted my fairy tale world in my mind. It shattered the beautiful potential love connection that has potential to break my whole being.
Now, I GET IT. I was causing myself grief and constantly letting a certain individual I’ve created the world with to break me down and stripped my personal power away.
I find every possible excuse to explain their behaviors. I even pulled many cards but I was in denial and living in illusion, I couldn’t bear to hear the truth.
The truth was I’ve allowed ‘him’ to take away my personal power because I wanted Love and I thought he was brilliant.
Although, he was brilliant but he was emotional immature, which made me crazy. First meeting, intuitively, I told him straight up that he need to embrace who he was and guess what? He became truly defensive.
As I reflected on the first meeting, my intuition was on the POINT. It was uncanny and it smelled out on his bull**** but… I cowered. I was confused. I thought I was being rude for being blunt, etc. etc. etc. As you can see, I was living in my MIND rather in my heart and intuition.
That was the beginning of disillusionment in Love connection. I finally saw the patterns that caused me hurt over and over again those past years. Now, I told myself to never doubt my intuition ever again. Even if they’re brilliant, funny, or charming, your intuition is your best friend. They will protect you regardless.
Back then, I did not honor my personal power and who I am. I lost myself for a bit but today I am gathering the pieces together and REMEMBER who I am. I can and will use my personal power and voice to stand up for myself.
This connection also taught me so much about what’s important to me relationship-wise. RECIPROCATION was a major essential among other things. It was imperative to me to be heard, loved, respected, and honored for who I am.
Emotional support was another nonnegotiable essential I need in relationship. Funny, I kept finding myself seeking out my trustworthy friend for emotional support because I was deprived of emotional support from ‘him.’
Now, this was not my intention to bash ‘him’ but it was me living in my mind thinking this connection was ‘healthy.’ This connection also showed me how to detach negative attachment to Love, which I will write a separate blog about.
Speaking of blog, I hope this blog also pull your rose-colored glasses off. From my personal experience and difficult trials, you deserve to be loved, honored, and respected. It is a human need. It is also a spirit need. Love create bridges with people, beautiful things, and Universe. Hatred, jealousy, and domination breaks you down.
I now understand that my self-value and self-worth are not defined by anyone but MYSELF. I know I deserve so much better respect.
Now, I know it is completely safe to use my voice and tell them, “You cannot disrespect me.” I choose to respect myself and HONOR who I am. I am nurturing my mind, body, and spirit. I LOVE myself.
‘He’ might see this blog but I do not care anymore. This is me telling you, “I am done.”