This is good. I am encouraged by this. I also was raised in “the faith”. It’s been a long journey. And you’re right — it was mostly made HARDER by believing. I am convinced that whoever said faith is for the weak minded never really tried it. It often makes us LOOK weak/stupid… the whole “dying to yourself” REALY SUCKS. But I have found a Firm Foundation. The more I lean into the counterintuitive truth of God’s Word and apply it to my life — the more holes appear in the intuitive, logical responses of human nature/society/popular culture.
(have you heard of Bible Study Fellowship? They have classes all over. It’s nondenominational and they just study the Bible, nothing fancy. Growing up in a christian home, attending private school, church 2xs a week — still never experienced the growth and understanding I have in my years of BSF. I HIGHLY recommend it to everyone — no matter what you believe or how long you’ve believed it. If you wanna find out what’s in the Bible for yourself, it’s a really good place to start.)