Doubt the devil which loves me
Uncertainty drives us mad, but isn’t that what life is all about. A series of episodes where you tell a story of a character (yourself) performing numerous acts in an effort to get something or somewhere.
Truth is, we’re all looking for something even if we don’t know what it is.
Perhaps those of us who consistently try hard enough will find it. Perhaps we’ll die trying. Don’t we all just want something that is bigger than us?
To be honest as I’m writing this it’s 3am, and I should be busy with my assignments which are due next week, but the writer within me wouldn’t let me. My mind keeps on escaping. I keep on reaching for items beyond my reach like a child staring at a cookie jar with envy.
O I wish I was a little bit taller! Metaphorically, that is. Don’t we all desire the possession of a special power, no matter how small.
The hunger for a life better than the one I’m living now. Not that I don’t appreciate it, I do, however I’d like to have the freedom to make my own mistakes and not everybody-else’s. Celebrate my own victories. Fight my own battles. Wipe my own tears. Is there anything wrong with that?
Holding my breath I realize just how much I yearn for moments that take my breath away -literally. Perhaps this is just another one of my helpless pursuits; the adrenaline junkie in me seeking the next adventure. Another story about me beating death in an effort to feel alive again.
Why do I do that? Why is it important for me to check my own pulse?
Maybe this is the artist within me screaming for attention as I have ignored it for a while now. I have to be practical. Or maybe I don’t. Being young’s so confusing! Who will answer all these questions?
Whose crazy enough to understand my crazy aspirations, but also wise enough not to try to talk me out of it… Guide me instead.
Perhaps I need a mentor. Lord knows I could use with a little push in the right direction! However, isn’t what’s right or wrong subjective. Maybe I’m the only one who can answer all these questions.
This happens all the time. I allow external forces to intimidate me to the point where I don’t even recognize my own voice. It’s messed up! Enough with the self doubting and questioning.
I am who I am. I love what I love. No need to apologize for it.
